Spare by Prince Harry Summary, Key Figures and Themes
Spare by Prince Harry is a candid memoir that reveals his journey from a grieving boy into a man fighting to protect his family’s well-being and privacy while living under intense public scrutiny.
The book shares his struggles with grief, the weight of being the “spare” in the royal family, his experiences in the military, and his search for purpose and love. It shows the contrast between duty and personal freedom, the relentless pursuit by the media, and his longing to live authentically while honoring his late mother’s memory. It is an attempt to reclaim his voice and narrate his life on his own terms.
Summary
Prince Harry attends Prince Philip’s funeral, reflecting on his strained relationship with his family and the reasons behind leaving royal duties.
He recalls the moment when his father told him about Princess Diana’s death and his disbelief, convincing himself she was alive. At his mother’s funeral, Harry feels numb, walking behind her coffin with his brother while surrounded by public mourning. Back at boarding school, he struggles with the loss and tries to maintain humor among friends, writing a farewell letter to his mother as instructed by his caretakers.
Harry recalls trips with Prince Charles to South Africa, meeting Nelson Mandela, and the Spice Girls, seeing these visits as a way to boost his father’s popularity while the public blamed Charles for Diana’s death.
In school, he faces embarrassment about his lack of knowledge regarding his ancestors, and the press speculates about his paternity, adding to his confusion. Harry and William confront the reality of their father’s relationship with Camilla, requesting he not marry her, but eventually, details of their meetings with Camilla leak to the press.
During his years at Eton, Harry feels overshadowed by William and struggles academically. He finds an outlet in rugby, smoking, and rebellious acts, while the media portrays him as the “naughty prince.” An injury during rugby becomes exaggerated by the media, and his struggles in school further frustrate his relationship with his father. Prince Charles sends Harry and William on a safari to South Africa, where Harry feels at peace in Botswana’s wildlife, believing his mother’s spirit is near.
Harry and William often fight, and Harry finds himself caught between defending his brother and being blamed during family skirmishes.
They bond during hunting trips, and Harry confides in William about his belief that their mother might still be alive. Harry experiences the 9/11 attacks while in school and continues experimenting with marijuana, while rumors about his drug use circulate. He faces public scrutiny when a fabricated story about cocaine use is threatened to be published, forcing him to confront the media’s intrusion into his life.
Harry begins his gap year working on a farm in Australia, enjoying the hard work and simplicity before reporters intrude again. He then visits Lesotho to support AIDS charities and meets Chelsy Davy, starting a relationship shadowed by intense media attention.
He enters Sandhurst after passing his exams, finding a sense of belonging during the rigorous military training, despite injuries delaying his plans. His life is further complicated when he wears a Nazi costume to a party, resulting in public outrage, leading to an apology and learning more about the Holocaust.
He is finally deployed to Afghanistan but is pulled back when his location is leaked, leading to threats against his life.
Frustrated, he drinks heavily, and the media continue to follow him, trying to provoke him. He feels a need to participate in active service and eventually returns to Afghanistan as an air controller, learning to guide airstrikes and monitoring Taliban movements. He experiences the chaos and moral weight of war, engaging in missions while grappling with the reality of combat and the lives lost.
Harry returns to the UK, reconnecting briefly with Chelsy, but the press’s relentless intrusion ends the relationship. He begins training as an Apache helicopter pilot, finding focus and discipline despite the challenges.
He participates in a charity trek to the North Pole, sustaining frostbite, and attends Prince William’s wedding, reflecting on how their relationship has changed with William’s marriage. Harry continues to face public scrutiny, particularly after being photographed naked in Las Vegas, and finds solace in his military duties.
During his second deployment to Afghanistan, Harry engages in combat missions, killing Taliban fighters while grappling with the moral implications, often comparing his missions to a video game to process the experiences.
Upon returning home, he throws himself into charity work, inspired by the resilience of wounded veterans, which motivates him to establish the Invictus Games.
Harry meets Meghan Markle through a friend, feeling an immediate connection. Their relationship grows quickly, facing immediate and intense media harassment, fueled by racism and invasive reporting.
Meghan struggles with the relentless press intrusion, while Harry battles the institution’s reluctance to protect her publicly. They face challenges in their relationship due to the pressures of royal life and the expectations around them, but their bond strengthens as they support each other.
Harry proposes to Meghan, receiving the Queen’s permission, and they marry in a ceremony watched by millions.
Meghan faces negative press coverage, and the palace staff’s divided loyalties create tension within the family. Rumors about Meghan’s behavior and her relationship with Kate create additional conflict, while Harry feels increasingly unsupported by his family and the institution. They face security concerns, harassment, and false stories in the media while trying to build a family and protect their privacy.
Meghan’s pregnancy with Archie brings joy, but the couple faces the media’s anger for limiting press involvement in the birth announcement.
The tension with the palace grows, particularly around security concerns and the media’s portrayal of Meghan. The couple tries to continue royal duties while planning a potential future outside the UK, but their plans leak to the press, forcing them to accelerate their decision to step back.
The royal family resists their proposal for a hybrid model, pushing them toward fully stepping away from royal duties, leading to a final agreement that ends their working royal status and public funding.
They move to Canada and then to the United States, where they face financial and security challenges. Meghan suffers a miscarriage, and the couple continues to deal with media intrusion while trying to build a stable life for their family.
Harry reflects on his mother’s guidance, finding peace in nature and small signs that remind him of her.
The death of the Queen brings Harry back to the UK, where family tensions remain unresolved, and he and Meghan return to California after the funeral, focusing on building a new chapter in their lives while continuing their charitable work and raising their children away from the relentless pressures of royal life.
Key Figures
Prince Harry
The memoir’s protagonist and narrator, Prince Harry, offers a candid and intimate portrayal of his life as a member of the British royal family.
He grapples with the trauma of losing his mother at a young age, the constant scrutiny of the media, and the expectations placed upon him due to his royal status. Harry’s narrative reveals his struggles with mental health, his military service, and his desire to find his own path outside the confines of royal tradition.
His love for Meghan Markle and their shared experiences with racism and media harassment further shape his decision to step back from royal duties and seek a more independent life.
Meghan Markle
Meghan Markle, an American actress, enters Prince Harry’s life and becomes his wife. She is depicted as a strong, independent woman who faces intense media scrutiny and racist attacks due to her biracial heritage.
Meghan’s experiences with the British tabloids and the lack of support from the royal family contribute to her and Harry’s decision to leave the UK.
Her miscarriage and the birth of their children are significant events in their lives, highlighting the challenges they faced and their desire to protect their family.
Prince William
Prince William, Harry’s older brother, is portrayed as the “heir” to the throne, burdened with the expectations and responsibilities that come with it.
The relationship between the brothers is complex, marked by both affection and rivalry. As they grow older, their paths diverge, and tensions arise due to their different roles and personalities.
The rift between them deepens following Harry’s marriage to Meghan, culminating in a physical altercation.
King Charles III
King Charles III, formerly Prince Charles, is depicted as a distant and sometimes unsympathetic father figure.
Harry recounts instances where his father failed to offer emotional support or protect him from the media. The conflict between them intensifies as Harry challenges royal traditions and expresses his desire for a different life.
Charles’s disapproval of Harry’s relationship with Meghan and his reluctance to take action against the tabloids further strain their relationship.
Princess Diana
Princess Diana, Harry’s mother, is a prominent figure in the memoir, despite her absence. Her tragic death in a car crash casts a long shadow over Harry’s life, shaping his experiences and influencing his decisions.
Memories of his mother’s warmth, compassion, and struggles with the media haunt Harry, fueling his desire to protect his own family and escape the same fate.
Other Key Figures
The memoir also features other notable figures, including Queen Elizabeth II, Camilla Parker Bowles, and various members of the royal staff.
Their interactions with Harry and Meghan provide further insight into the dynamics of the royal family and the challenges the couple faced.
The media, particularly the British tabloids, play a significant role in the narrative, highlighting their relentless pursuit of the royals and their impact on their lives.
Themes
Grief and Loss
Harry’s childhood is permanently shaped by the sudden death of Princess Diana, and the impact of this loss echoes throughout Spare. The moment when his father quietly informs him about his mother’s death becomes a fracture point in his life, separating the warmth and security of childhood from the cold reality of grief.
Harry describes his inability to cry at the funeral, his belief that his mother is alive and simply hiding, and his dreams in which she would return and rescue him from the pressures of royal duty. This denial reflects a child’s need to protect himself from unbearable pain, but it also follows him into adulthood, affecting his relationships and sense of self.
His deployment to war zones, his relentless charity work, and his impulsive decisions often feel like attempts to distract himself from the hollowness left by her absence. Moments in the book, such as when he encounters animals in the wild or when he sees the tunnel in Paris where Diana died, force him to confront the reality he has long avoided.
The death of his mother is not presented simply as an isolated tragedy but as an ongoing absence that seeps into his identity, influencing how he navigates relationships, perceives the press, and responds to institutional coldness within the royal family. Harry’s grief is compounded by the expectation of silence, the public spectacle of mourning, and the lack of safe spaces within the royal structure to process the trauma, leaving him caught between duty and personal need as he carries the shadow of his mother’s loss into every part of his life.
Identity and the Role of “The Spare”
Growing up as the “spare” to William’s “heir” is a burden that quietly influences Harry’s decisions and insecurities throughout Spare. His smaller room at Balmoral, the constant media comparisons, and the institutional reinforcement of his secondary status contribute to a feeling of disposability that he struggles to shake.
He is aware of his purpose as a backup and the implications of that role within a family and system that prize lineage and continuity. His actions, whether in rebelling at Eton, partying in Las Vegas, or serving on the front lines in Afghanistan, are partially driven by the need to carve out his identity beyond the role assigned to him.
Harry often confronts the way the press casts him as the “naughty” prince, using him as a counterpoint to William’s stability and responsibility. This dynamic intensifies when William marries Kate, shifting the public spotlight even further, leaving Harry feeling like an outsider within his own family.
His sense of redundancy becomes more acute as he grows older, culminating in the conflicts with the institution when he attempts to protect Meghan and their children from the same constraints and dangers he has faced. His position as the “spare” is not simply ceremonial; it affects his self-worth and leads to internal questions about his place, his obligations, and whether he has the right to choose a different life for himself.
The narrative of Spare becomes a reclamation of his identity, attempting to break free from the suffocating expectation to be the support system for an institution that never prioritized his well-being.
Media Intrusion and Public Scrutiny
The media is a constant, suffocating presence in Harry’s life, shaping the course of his relationships, mental health, and sense of safety throughout Spare. From the moment of his mother’s death, pursued by paparazzi in a car crash, Harry associates the press with danger and betrayal.
The public’s appetite for royal stories, fed by tabloids with relentless and often cruel headlines, turns Harry’s life into entertainment, stripping him of privacy and agency. This scrutiny escalates during his adolescence, with stories about underage drinking and drug use turning personal moments into global scandals.
The intrusion reaches new extremes when Harry’s relationships are targeted, as seen with Chelsy Davy, Caroline Flack, and Meghan Markle, each harassed until their lives are upended or the relationships end. With Meghan, the press attacks take on a racial dimension, using coded language to demean her heritage and painting her as an outsider unfit for the royal family.
Harry’s attempts to protect Meghan mirror his guilt over being unable to protect his mother, reinforcing the connection between the press and the trauma that has haunted him since childhood. The royal institution’s refusal to confront the press or defend Meghan and Harry intensifies his resentment, making it clear that the monarchy’s relationship with the media is transactional, even at the cost of family members’ safety and mental health.
The press is not simply an inconvenience in Spare; it becomes an antagonist, threatening his family’s stability and mental health while highlighting the toxic relationship between monarchy and media that prioritizes image over humanity.
Institutional Rigidity and Family Conflict
Throughout Spare, Harry confronts the limitations and coldness of the institution he was born into, a system that prioritizes tradition and public image over the emotional well-being of its members. He finds himself repeatedly in conflict with palace advisors, who he sees as more concerned with managing press relationships than protecting family members from harm.
The institution’s refusal to publicly defend Meghan, despite clear harassment and racism, and its attempts to control Harry’s statements reveal a bureaucracy resistant to change, even at the cost of familial bonds. Harry’s struggles with his father and brother are compounded by their adherence to institutional priorities, creating a dynamic in which personal relationships are filtered through the lens of duty and public perception.
The meeting at Sandringham, where Harry’s proposal for a hybrid role is rejected in favor of a complete split, becomes a symbol of the rigidity he faces. Even moments that should be intimate, like the birth of Archie or Harry’s request to wear his beard at his wedding, become negotiations with an institution that demands control.
Family conversations are often overshadowed by concerns about headlines, leaks, and the approval of courtiers, turning private matters into institutional discussions. Harry’s decision to step back from royal duties is not only about escaping the media but about rejecting a system that fails to protect or prioritize the people within it.
His departure is presented as an act of self-preservation, an attempt to build a family life free from the constraints of an institution that values tradition over the individuals who uphold it.
Search for Purpose and Healing
In Spare, Harry’s journey toward finding purpose and healing unfolds against the backdrop of grief, media pressure, and the burden of his royal role. His decision to join the military is one of the first significant steps he takes toward establishing a sense of meaning outside the expectations of his family and the press’s narrative.
In the military, Harry finds structure, camaraderie, and a sense of accomplishment that contrasts with the performative duties of royal engagements. His work with veterans, including the creation of the Invictus Games, is not only service-oriented but also a form of personal therapy, allowing him to connect with others who have experienced trauma while contributing positively to the world.
His relationship with Meghan further propels him toward healing, encouraging him to confront his anger and unresolved grief through therapy. Meghan’s support and insistence on boundaries with the press challenge Harry to prioritize his mental health and family’s well-being over royal expectations.
The move to the United States and the decision to step back from royal duties represent a commitment to protecting his family and seeking an authentic life, despite the backlash it brings. His journey is characterized by attempts to reconcile his sense of duty with his need for personal peace, balancing the desire to honor his mother’s legacy with the need to break free from cycles of trauma.
The search for purpose in Spare becomes intertwined with Harry’s pursuit of a life where he can be a present husband and father, away from the noise and demands of an institution that often prevented him from living as himself.