This Song Is (Not) For You Summary, Characters and Themes

This Song Is (Not) For You by Laura Nowlin is a young adult novel that explores the deep, messy, and often ambiguous terrain of teenage friendship, creativity, and love. Told in alternating points of view by three distinct narrators—Ramona, Sam, and Tom—the book follows a trio of high school seniors bound together by their shared passion for music and a desire to live authentically.

They each stand apart from the norms of their elite private school or family expectations. With an emotionally charged tone and lyrical prose, the novel examines how art, identity, and connection can be as confounding as they are liberating.

Summary 

Ramona, Sam, and Tom are three high school seniors on the edge of major life transitions. Ramona and Sam have been best friends for years, bonded not just by their outsider status at their prestigious school but also by their shared devotion to making music.

Together, they formed a band called April and the Rain, with Ramona on drums and Sam on guitar. Their sound is raw and deeply personal—an extension of who they are more than a bid for popularity or acclaim.

Ramona is bold and passionate, fiercely loyal and creatively uncompromising. Sam is quiet, introspective, and more ambivalent about music as a future career.

Their dynamic begins to shift when Tom, a new and enigmatic student, expresses interest in joining the band. Tom doesn’t play traditional instruments; he creates soundscapes using ambient recordings, effects pedals, and unusual electronic gadgets.

Initially skeptical, Ramona and Sam realize that Tom’s presence adds something new and transformative to their music. With his addition, the band reinvents itself as Vandalized by Glitter, leaning further into experimental territory.

The growing bond among the three is not just musical—it becomes emotional and complicated. Ramona feels an instant pull toward Tom, attracted by his offbeat nature and artistic sensibilities.

Despite her deep, often unspoken feelings for Sam, she begins a tentative relationship with Tom. Meanwhile, Sam silently suffers through his own heartbreak, in love with Ramona but unwilling to tell her.

He fears damaging their friendship and feels increasingly like an outsider as Tom becomes more important to both Ramona and the band. Tom, for his part, is navigating his own emotional uncertainty.

He cares for Ramona and likes being with her, but he doesn’t feel the same intensity of romantic or physical desire that she seems to expect. This creates friction as Ramona tries to understand what their relationship means.

Tom tries to make sense of his own orientation and boundaries. He begins to realize that his form of love doesn’t follow traditional templates—and that’s okay, even if it’s difficult to explain.

As the band prepares for their Artibus College auditions, tensions rise. Ramona is determined to get in and pursue a future centered on music.

She wants Sam and Tom there with her, sharing her dream. But Sam is hiding a secret: he has no intention of applying to Artibus.

He enjoys music but doesn’t see it as his path. His real passion lies in science and environmental studies, something he hasn’t had the courage to admit to Ramona or even himself fully.

Each of the three faces a reckoning—not only about who they are but about who they want to become. Ramona must confront the pain of unreciprocated love and the challenge of defining herself outside of a relationship.

Sam must learn to prioritize his own needs, even if it means disappointing the person he loves most. And Tom must come to terms with his own emotional language and figure out how to be in a relationship without losing his sense of self.

What follows is a slow unraveling and reshaping of the group as they face difficult choices. The three come to realize that loving someone doesn’t always mean being with them romantically or forever.

Being true to yourself can mean letting go. Their friendship, though tested by unspoken truths and romantic entanglements, remains central to their growth as artists and individuals.

Even as they move in different directions, their time together leaves a lasting imprint on who they are and how they understand connection.

Characters

Ramona Andrews

Ramona is the fierce, vibrant soul at the center of This Song Is (Not) For You. As a narrator and the driving creative force in the band she co-founded, she exudes a chaotic brilliance and emotional honesty that make her both magnetic and unpredictable.

Ramona’s identity is shaped by her resistance to conformity. She doesn’t just want to stand out—she wants to be heard, seen, and understood on her own unconventional terms.

Her appearance, attitude, and music reflect a deep-seated desire to be unapologetically real in a world that often values imitation over authenticity. She is both fiercely independent and deeply relational, especially when it comes to Sam, her longtime best friend and bandmate.

Her love for him is tangled with loyalty and frustration. She senses the emotional wall he builds but remains devoted to him anyway.

Tom’s arrival introduces new dynamics for Ramona, who begins to explore different facets of her emotional and romantic self. Even this evolution is complicated.

While she seeks intimacy and connection, she struggles with the fragility of romantic expectations versus the stability of friendship. Music is not just an outlet for Ramona—it’s the language of her soul.

She approaches music with spiritual intensity. Her growth is not about resolution, but about coming into alignment with her truest self.

She embraces ambiguity in love, identity, and art. Ramona fights for a version of life where she can exist unfiltered and emotionally alive.

Samuel “Sam” Peterson

Sam is the quiet emotional anchor of the trio. He is a boy whose depth often hides behind silence and self-restraint.

He is the most introspective of the three. He narrates with a kind of quiet sorrow that reveals a lifetime of emotional suppression.

Sam is brilliant musically, a multi-instrumentalist capable of playing nearly anything. Yet his relationship to music is conflicted.

It’s something he’s good at, something he shares with Ramona, but not necessarily what he loves. His true passion lies elsewhere—in science.

He hides this from his friends for fear of letting them down or destabilizing the sacred dynamic they’ve built. Sam’s relationship with Ramona is one of yearning and limitation.

He loves her deeply but silently. He believes that his love is either unrequited or not worth the risk of breaking what they already have.

This unspoken affection defines much of his internal struggle. He remains torn between desire and emotional self-preservation.

His response to Tom’s entrance is subtle but painful. While he grows to genuinely like Tom, Tom’s relationship with Ramona becomes a mirror reflecting all the things Sam cannot express.

Yet, Sam’s strength lies in his empathy. He never lashes out or sabotages, but internalizes his heartbreak with grace.

By the end, Sam begins to articulate his truth to himself. He acknowledges his needs and interests in a way that hints at eventual emotional liberation.

He is the portrait of a young man trying to reconcile duty with desire. Silence gives way, slowly, to self-expression.

Tom Cogsworthy

Tom is the most enigmatic of the trio. He is a philosophical outsider whose worldview reframes the emotional and creative landscape of the group.

His narration is deeply cerebral and slightly removed. It is characterized by a kind of poetic detachment that reflects his sense of being perpetually on the margins of conventional experience.

Tom’s relationship with art is radical and transformative. He doesn’t make music for attention or aesthetic pleasure, but as a form of resistance.

He sees art as a way of engaging with the world that blurs the boundaries between sound and meaning. His inclusion in the band revolutionizes their style.

Tom pushes the group toward experimental, boundary-pushing territory. Emotionally, he is complex and hard to pin down.

He is open yet guarded. He is affectionate but detached, particularly when it comes to romance.

His bond with Ramona is intense but ultimately mismatched. He tries to meet her expectations, to become a boyfriend in the traditional sense, but quietly realizes that he may not experience desire or intimacy the way she does.

This realization isn’t presented as a crisis. Instead, it is a quiet acceptance of his difference.

It suggests a subtle portrayal of asexuality or romantic detachment. With Sam, Tom forms an unexpectedly deep connection.

Their bond grows steadily. Tom finds in Sam a safe emotional space rooted in mutual respect and artistic harmony.

Tom’s arc is about self-acceptance. He learns that he doesn’t need to fit into predetermined roles to be loved or valuable.

He doesn’t change to meet expectations. Instead, he affirms that love, friendship, and creativity can be expansive, unconventional, and liberating.

Themes 

Authenticity and Self-Definition

A central theme in This Song Is (Not) For You is the pursuit of personal authenticity amid the pressures of adolescence and social conformity. Each of the three protagonists—Ramona, Sam, and Tom—struggles to define who they are in environments that encourage them to blend in or follow pre-established scripts.

Ramona’s external rebellion through her fashion, hair choices, and outspoken demeanor reflects an internal war against the restrictive expectations of her prep school, her father, and a society that often punishes deviation. Her music becomes her safe space, a venue where she can express her true emotions without judgment.

Sam’s battle is more internalized. Though immensely talented in music, he secretly yearns for a future in science, especially chemistry—an interest he conceals from Ramona out of fear it might shatter her expectations of him.

His journey reveals how deeply people can hide parts of themselves to preserve relationships, even at the cost of their own identity. Tom, perhaps the most complex in his self-realization, challenges traditional expectations about gender roles, romance, and sexual desire.

Through his reflections and decisions, the novel explores the anxiety and liberation of acknowledging one’s divergence from societal norms. Tom’s quiet realization about his asexuality is not dramatized or labeled.

Instead, it exists as part of his identity, encouraging readers to accept nuances within themselves and others. Together, these characters form a mosaic of young people refusing to be molded.

They find ways to live honestly, even when it means being misunderstood or rejected by the world around them.

Friendship and Emotional Intimacy

Friendship in This Song Is (Not) For You is not a backdrop to romance. It is often more meaningful and intense than romantic entanglements themselves.

Ramona and Sam’s bond predates everything in the book—it is the foundation upon which the band, their identity, and their worldview are built. Their connection is so deep that it becomes the standard by which other relationships are measured.

Yet, the novel highlights how even the strongest friendships can suffer when truths are hidden. Sam’s unspoken love for Ramona becomes a wedge, not because he acts on it, but because his silence prevents full transparency between them.

Likewise, Ramona’s growing relationship with Tom complicates the trio’s dynamic, not out of malice, but from the unpredictable nature of emotional shifts. Tom’s entrance into their world tests the limits of their intimacy and ultimately proves that emotional honesty—not time—is the cornerstone of any lasting friendship.

The book treats platonic love with the same gravity as romantic love. It shows that betrayal, trust, and forgiveness all play vital roles in friendships just as they do in romances.

Tom’s bond with Sam grows quietly but powerfully. It emphasizes that deep connection can arise even between very different individuals.

The novel resists tropes that pit friends against each other over love interests. Instead, it advocates for communication, emotional vulnerability, and respect.

It presents a world where the line between friendship and love is porous. That does not diminish the intensity or importance of either.

Emotional intimacy, in all its forms, is the novel’s most lasting message.

Love Beyond Labels

One of the most profound aspects of This Song Is (Not) For You is its exploration of love that doesn’t fit neatly into categories. Romantic, platonic, and queer expressions of affection overlap constantly in this novel.

Ramona loves Sam deeply, but her feelings straddle the border between romantic yearning and deep-seated friendship. She also comes to care for Tom in a way that seems romantic at first but gradually becomes more complicated as Tom’s lack of sexual desire becomes clear.

Tom, in turn, expresses affection for both Ramona and Sam in ways that challenge standard definitions of love. The novel’s refusal to place neat labels on these relationships is its strength.

Rather than relying on declarations, the story relies on moments: a shared silence, a glance of understanding, a song created together. These subtle cues capture the emotional truths that rigid definitions often miss.

The characters’ attempts to articulate what they feel—and often failing to do so—mirror the real-life difficulty of translating complex emotions into words. The novel does not offer easy resolutions or traditional romantic arcs, which makes it all the more powerful.

In portraying love as fluid, multifaceted, and sometimes unresolved, it respects the diversity of human experiences. By the end, the story suggests that what matters is not how a relationship is categorized, but whether it allows individuals to feel seen, heard, and safe.

In this way, This Song Is (Not) For You provides a more inclusive and realistic portrayal of love in the modern age.

Creative Expression and Artistic Integrity

Art is not simply a hobby in This Song Is (Not) For You—it is a form of identity, communication, and rebellion. For all three characters, music becomes the primary way they connect to themselves and to one another.

Ramona’s drumming is not just rhythmic background—it’s a manifestation of her inner emotional state and desire to control her chaotic world. Her piano skills, though more technically refined, feel less authentic to her, as they are tied to expectations from her late mother and her structured lessons.

Sam, on the other hand, is gifted but unsure if music is truly his passion. His struggle reflects the dilemma faced by many young artists: distinguishing between doing something because you’re good at it and doing it because it genuinely fulfills you.

Tom introduces a new artistic paradigm—his form of expression is intentionally subversive and challenges conventional definitions of music. His DIY instruments and sound collages speak to a form of creation that values disruption, innovation, and meaning over popularity.

The transformation of their band into Vandalized by Glitter is symbolic of their collective move away from conformity and toward radical authenticity. Yet, the novel also acknowledges that such purity of purpose can be threatened by ego, emotional tension, and external pressure.

Through rehearsals, performances, and conflicts, the story examines the friction between artistic vision and personal relationships. Ultimately, the message is clear: art matters most when it is true to the creator.

Creative expression in this novel is about more than just making music. It’s about telling the truth, even when it hurts.