What If I Never Get Over You Summary, Characters and Themes
What If I Never Get Over You by Paige Toon is a tender and emotional story about healing, love, and finding oneself after loss. It follows Ellie, a young woman traveling through Europe carrying the weight of grief from her late best friend Stella.
During her journey, she meets Ash, a free-spirited traveler with his own painful past. Their growing connection challenges Ellie’s understanding of family, expectations, and what it means to truly live on her own terms. Set against the vibrant backdrop of Lisbon, the Welsh countryside, and the grandeur of Berkeley Hall, this novel explores the complexities of relationships, identity, and the courage it takes to embrace new beginnings when the past still lingers.
Summary
Ellie begins her journey traveling alone through Europe, reading on a hostel rooftop in Lisbon when Ash, a rugged and mysterious traveler, asks to share her seat. They quickly bond over their shared experiences of interrailing, contrasting lifestyles, and personal losses.
Ellie is weighed down by grief over her late best friend Stella, who left her a detailed travel plan, while Ash carries the memory of his best friend Taran, who died of leukemia. Despite their emotional burdens, they find moments of joy and connection exploring Lisbon’s markets, eateries, and historic sites.
Their friendship is marked by subtle attraction and deepening emotional intimacy. When Ellie’s phone breaks just as she receives a message from someone using Stella’s old number, it brings a surge of grief.
Ash comforts her by sharing his own story of loss, creating a rare space of mutual understanding. Together, they visit the mystical Quinta da Regaleira, where their bond feels almost destined.
Ash invites Ellie to extend their time together by camping near Sintra, challenging her to delay returning home and face the control her parents exert over her life.
On the secluded beach near Sintra, the two grow closer, sharing vulnerabilities about their families and dreams. Ash’s explanations of the moon and tides deepen their connection, and a spontaneous swim further breaks down walls.
Their growing affection culminates in a passionate night together, signaling the start of a relationship that offers Ellie hope for independence and emotional freedom. They plan to meet again in Madrid, committing to explore this connection despite uncertainty.
However, their hopeful reunion in Madrid falls apart when Ash fails to show up at the agreed meeting place. Ellie is devastated, compounded by her mother’s harsh judgment that she is naive.
She searches for Ash but eventually returns home heartbroken. Over the following years, Ellie breaks away from her family’s furniture business and pursues a career in horticulture in Wales.
She reconnects with Evan, a kind and flirtatious colleague, yet unresolved feelings for Ash continue to haunt her.
Ellie’s world shifts dramatically when she unexpectedly meets Ash again—this time revealed as Ashton Berkeley, heir to an aristocratic estate where she works. The man she fell for in Portugal is now someone with a posh accent and privileged background.
This revelation creates a painful rift; Ellie feels betrayed by Ash’s hidden identity and struggles to reconcile the man she loved with his true self. Ash attempts to explain and rebuild their connection, but trust remains fragile, complicated by Ash’s friend Beca and their differing social worlds.
As Ellie settles into her new gardening role at Berkeley Hall, she builds friendships that help her heal, but her emotional struggles deepen. The story traces Ellie and Ash’s evolving relationship, highlighting moments of closeness and conflict.
They share heartfelt conversations about Ash’s responsibilities as heir, the financial strain on his family, and his sacrifice of academic dreams to manage the estate. Their romance grows through a motorbike trip across Wales, visits to meaningful places, and a night filled with passion and vulnerability.
Tension arises when Ash subtly reveals their relationship to his aristocratic family, triggering Ellie’s fear of losing her job and independence. The differences in their social standing and Ellie’s fierce desire for autonomy create emotional distance.
The climax of this tension occurs when Ellie is interrupted mid-intimacy by Ash’s imposing father, intensifying her feelings of alienation and humiliation. Despite these setbacks, they reconnect under the stars, but Ellie remains torn between hope and doubt.
Ellie returns to Berkeley Hall at dusk, recalling the estate’s beauty and history but noticing changes—gates blocking access to familiar cottages. At a lively barbecue, she learns Ash has retreated off-grid after his father’s death and is estranged from his family.
Through conversations with Ash’s friends and mother, Ellie discovers Ash’s decision to sell the gardens to the National Trust to protect the land and break his family’s cycle of tragedy.
Determined to find him, Ellie travels to a remote woodland cabin near the Spaceguard Centre observatory. She finds Ash living a solitary life, physically and emotionally worn.
Their reunion is tense; Ash expresses hurt over Ellie’s sudden return and her past departure. They confront unresolved feelings, Ash’s choice to forsake his title and family legacy, and the shadow of their past misunderstandings.
Over several days, they rebuild their connection through quiet companionship and honest conversations.
Ash shares his struggles managing the estate’s financial burdens and the emotional pain of his broken engagement to Beca, who couldn’t accept his new off-grid lifestyle. Ellie opens up about her difficult childhood and reasons for leaving, deepening their empathy for one another.
Together, they begin to imagine a future that blends love, nature, and healing. Their renewed commitment is symbolized by peaceful nights under the stars and shared dreams of raising a family connected to the land.
As Ellie reflects on family, loss, and legacy, she finds grounding in the present through Ash’s love and the hope they build together. The story ends with Ellie stepping into a future shaped by resilience, independence, and the possibility of lasting love—despite the scars left by the past.
Characters
Eleanor “Ellie” Knapley
Ellie is portrayed as a young woman caught between the pull of family expectations and her own desires for freedom and self-discovery. At the start, she is traveling across Europe, carrying the emotional weight of losing her best friend Stella, whose influence continues to shape Ellie’s journey.
Ellie’s character is deeply empathetic and reflective, often wrestling with loneliness and grief. Despite the pressure to take over her family’s furniture business, she harbors a passion for gardening, which later becomes a path toward independence and personal fulfillment.
Her interactions with Ash reveal her vulnerability but also her resilience, as she gradually learns to assert herself against her parents’ control. Ellie’s emotional arc is one of growth: from feeling constrained and grieving, to exploring love and identity, and ultimately to reclaiming her life on her own terms, even as she struggles with the complexities of trust, betrayal, and class differences.
Ash / Ashton Berkeley
Ash is a multifaceted character embodying both rugged individualism and aristocratic heritage, which creates much of the novel’s tension. Initially introduced as a warm-eyed, off-grid traveler, Ash’s love of adventure and astronomy reflects his yearning to escape the burdens of his family legacy.
The death of his best friend Taran profoundly impacts him, adding layers of grief similar to Ellie’s. However, as the story unfolds, Ash’s true identity as Ashton Berkeley, son of a viscount and heir to an aristocratic estate, is revealed, complicating his relationship with Ellie.
This duality exposes his internal conflicts: a desire for freedom and authenticity versus the weight of inherited responsibilities and expectations. His choice to sell the family estate to the National Trust and live simply off-grid shows his rebellion against tradition, yet also highlights his sense of loss and isolation.
Ash’s interactions with Ellie reveal his openheartedness, jealousy, and deep longing for genuine connection, even as he struggles with his fractured family and his own identity.
Stella
Though Stella does not appear directly in the narrative, her presence looms large over Ellie’s emotional journey. As Ellie’s late best friend, Stella’s memory and the detailed travel plans she left behind serve as a guiding force for Ellie’s initial travels and decisions.
Stella symbolizes a lost connection and a source of grief that shapes Ellie’s vulnerability and her attempts to hold onto the past. The message Ellie receives on Stella’s old phone number acts as a poignant catalyst for confronting loss and the need to move forward.
In this way, Stella functions as a silent but powerful character whose absence drives much of Ellie’s motivation and emotional struggle throughout the story.
Evan
Evan represents a potential new beginning and a contrast to the tumultuous relationship Ellie shares with Ash. As a former colleague who is kind and flirtatious, Evan offers Ellie warmth and companionship in her life at Berkeley Hall.
His presence introduces an element of hope and normalcy, highlighting Ellie’s ongoing internal conflict between lingering feelings for Ash and the possibility of moving on. Evan’s role is subtle but significant in underscoring Ellie’s desire for stability and the complex nature of healing after heartbreak.
Beca
Beca is Ash’s close friend and former fiancé whose inability to adapt to Ash’s off-grid lifestyle adds tension to the narrative. She embodies the clash between Ash’s two worlds—the aristocratic family life and his chosen simpler existence.
Beca’s presence complicates Ellie and Ash’s relationship, contributing to Ellie’s feelings of betrayal and confusion about Ash’s true identity and intentions. Though less developed than Ellie or Ash, Beca serves as a reminder of the challenges Ash faces in reconciling his past and present.
Lady Philippa Berkeley
Ash’s mother, Lady Philippa, is depicted as a figure weary from family conflicts and the burden of aristocratic expectations. Her strained relationship with Ash and involvement in family disputes, such as the fake engagement announcement orchestrated by Ash’s late father, reflect the fractured dynamics within the Berkeley family.
Philippa’s character highlights the pressures of maintaining family legacy and the emotional toll it takes on its members. She also serves as a symbol of the societal and familial obstacles that complicate Ash and Ellie’s relationship.
Siân and Bethan
Siân and Bethan are Ellie’s housemates at Berkeley Hall, providing a social and emotional context for Ellie’s life beyond her relationship with Ash. Siân’s plan for a pampering day and her teasing about Ellie’s romantic interests inject moments of lightness and camaraderie, contrasting with Ellie’s internal struggles.
They represent the supportive friendships that help Ellie navigate her complicated emotions and the evolving dynamics of her personal and professional life.
Themes
Grief and Healing
The pervasive presence of grief shapes much of the emotional landscape in What If I Never Get Over You. Both Ellie and Ash carry profound losses that have left lasting marks on their identities and actions.
Ellie’s grief over losing her best friend Stella acts as a catalyst for much of her journey—from her initial travels through Europe to her struggle with loneliness and familial pressures. This grief is not presented as a simple, linear process but as an ongoing, complex experience that colors her perceptions and decisions.
Ash’s loss of his best friend Taran to leukemia adds a parallel layer, intertwining his passion for astronomy with his way of coping with mortality and absence. Their shared experiences of grief create a unique bond that allows them to offer each other solace and understanding, highlighting how grief can isolate individuals but also connect them deeply when shared.
Throughout the narrative, healing emerges as a slow, often fragile process, shaped by moments of vulnerability, connection, and self-discovery. Ellie’s emotional breakthroughs are tied to both external actions—such as visiting her great-grandfather’s war grave or confronting the breaking of her phone—and internal shifts, where she begins to release illusions of connection to the past and embrace the possibility of new attachments.
Ash’s retreat to an off-grid life and eventual reconciliation with his family’s legacy illustrate healing as something that requires confronting painful histories and accepting imperfection in oneself and others. This theme illustrates the enduring nature of loss and the unpredictable paths toward emotional restoration.
Identity and Self-Discovery
Ellie’s journey is deeply intertwined with questions of identity, particularly as she wrestles with familial expectations and her own desires. Her family’s insistence that she take over the furniture business clashes with her passion for gardening, and this tension fuels much of her internal conflict.
This struggle symbolizes a broader theme of self-discovery, where Ellie must define who she is outside the shadows of parental control and inherited roles. Ash’s identity crisis takes a different form but is equally significant: he inhabits two contrasting worlds—his rugged, independent traveler persona and his aristocratic background as Ashton Berkeley, heir to a viscountcy.
The revelation of Ash’s true identity complicates Ellie’s feelings toward him, confronting her with issues of trust, deception, and class divisions. Their relationship becomes a crucible for exploring authenticity, as both characters confront the facades they present to the world and the parts of themselves they must reconcile.
Ellie’s eventual decision to pursue horticulture and live on her own terms represents a crucial step toward self-empowerment. Ash’s relinquishing of family titles and estates to protect the land speaks to a rejection of inherited identity in favor of personal values.
Through these intertwined journeys, the narrative examines how young adults negotiate the formation of selfhood amid external pressures, societal expectations, and the desire for meaningful connection.
Love and Betrayal
The exploration of romantic love in What If I Never Get Over You is complex, marked by moments of intense affection but also profound pain and betrayal. Ellie and Ash’s initial connection is charged with tenderness and mutual understanding, deepening through shared vulnerability and adventures.
However, the relationship is repeatedly tested by misunderstandings, secrets, and societal barriers. Ash’s deception about his aristocratic background strikes at the heart of Ellie’s trust, forcing her to confront feelings of betrayal and disillusionment.
This breach complicates their intimacy, illustrating how love can be fragile and contingent upon honesty and transparency. Moreover, the social divide between Ellie’s working-class background and Ash’s aristocratic lineage underscores how external forces can intrude upon personal relationships, creating tensions beyond the couple’s control.
Their love story is not a simple fairy tale but a realistic portrayal of the challenges that come with opening oneself up to another—where desire is often shadowed by fear, and hope coexists with vulnerability. Ellie’s interactions with Evan introduce further complexity, as she navigates potential new relationships while still tethered emotionally to Ash.
This theme portrays love as a multifaceted experience that encompasses joy and pain, trust and betrayal, hope and heartbreak, ultimately contributing to Ellie’s growth and understanding of what she values in connection.
Freedom versus Responsibility
A persistent tension in the story lies between the desire for freedom and the obligations imposed by family and society. Ellie’s travels through Europe represent a quest for independence, a break from the constraints of her family’s expectations and a way to process grief on her own terms.
Yet, even during her journey, she confronts the pull of responsibility—the plans her parents have for her and the legacy she is expected to uphold. Similarly, Ash embodies this conflict through his rejection of aristocratic duties in favor of an off-grid lifestyle connected to nature and his passion for astronomy.
However, his actions are not a simple escape but a form of responsibility toward preserving the land and breaking cycles of family tragedy. This duality complicates the notion of freedom, showing it as something that involves conscious choices and sometimes sacrifice.
Ellie’s gradual acceptance of a career in horticulture and her eventual return to Berkeley Hall highlight how responsibility and freedom can coexist, with personal agency emerging from embracing rather than fleeing obligations. Their journeys underscore the challenges faced by young adults trying to carve out lives that honor both their desires and the realities of their inherited roles and relationships.
The theme invites reflection on what it means to be truly free and how responsibility can be redefined in pursuit of authentic living.
Class and Social Divisions
Class disparity forms a significant undercurrent in the narrative, especially as Ellie confronts the reality of Ash’s aristocratic background. The contrast between Ellie’s modest upbringing and Ash’s status as the son of a viscount introduces themes of social division and the barriers it creates within personal relationships.
Ellie’s initial perception of Ash as a free-spirited, rugged traveler is challenged when his dual identity is revealed, exposing the complexities of navigating love across class lines. The story reveals how class is not just about wealth or titles but also about expectations, power dynamics, and the subtle pressures that shape behavior and relationships.
Ellie’s fear of judgment from Ash’s family, especially after humiliating encounters with his father, amplifies her sense of alienation and highlights the harsh realities of entrenched social hierarchies. Yet, the narrative also shows moments where these barriers are questioned or crossed—Ash’s rejection of aristocratic trappings and Ellie’s integration into the Berkeley Hall community through her work as a gardener suggest possibilities for bridging divides.
This theme examines how class affects identity and opportunity, and how love and connection can be both challenged and enriched by the social contexts in which they unfold. It calls attention to the persistent influence of social stratification on individual lives and relationships.
The Influence of the Past and Legacy
The characters’ relationships with their pasts and family legacies are crucial in shaping the story’s emotional depth. Ellie’s late friend Stella’s memory continues to influence her choices, from the travel plans to her emotional responses, reflecting how the past remains a living force in the present.
Ash’s family history, including the tragedies surrounding his grandfather’s suicide and his father’s authoritarian control, casts long shadows over his life and decisions. His sale of Berkeley Hall to protect it from development and his renunciation of titles signal attempts to rewrite or escape a painful legacy.
These acts highlight the struggle to honor heritage while also seeking to break destructive cycles. Ellie and Ash’s dialogue often returns to the ways their families have shaped their fears, hopes, and identities, illustrating how the past cannot simply be left behind but must be acknowledged and integrated.
The story explores the tension between inheritance and individuality, showing that legacy is not static but subject to reinterpretation. Through this theme, the narrative reflects on how history, memory, and family influence shape personal growth, and how embracing or confronting legacy can lead to healing and transformation.