How Does It Feel Summary, Characters and Themes
How Does It Feel? the first installment in Jeneane O’Riley’s Infatuated Fae series, delves into the shadowy, perilous world of fairy lore. The story follows Callie Peterson, an environmental biologist with a lifelong fascination with winged creatures. While searching for rare mushrooms, she accidentally enters the dangerous realm of the Unseelie Fae.
There, she encounters Prince Mendax, a brooding and ruthless heir plotting to invade the human world. What unfolds is a dark, twisting tale of attraction and deception, where Callie’s hidden identity and Mendax’s violent nature lead to an intense, forbidden connection.
Summary
In the Prologue, we meet Callie Peterson, an environmental biologist with a deep love for winged creatures, who finds herself imprisoned in a dungeon, careful not to awaken a lurking beast. Having recently moved to Willow Springs to study the elusive luna moth, Callie is a solitary figure, preferring the company of animals over people.
Her work at a local animal rehabilitation center brings her peace, yet she is eager to head to Mexico to continue her research on monarch butterflies.
Her passion for winged beings stems from a childhood encounter with a golden fairy, which she protected from harm, only to wake up in a hospital later, told that she had hallucinated due to exposure to toxic mushrooms.
Despite being warned, Callie’s belief in fairies remains unshaken, bolstered by her missing friend, Eli, who always believed in her experiences. In Willow Springs, she befriends Earl, a former state biologist who was dismissed from his position.
They bond over Callie’s new field microscope, and Earl offers to help her find the rare mushrooms needed to save the luna moths from a deadly parasite. Their search leads them to a “destroying angel” mushroom, which dampens Earl’s spirits.
When Callie returns to the field later to retrieve her forgotten microscope, she discovers a ring of mushrooms—a portal to the fairy realm.
Falling into the Fae realm, Callie lands atop Prince Mendax, the dark and enigmatic heir to the Unseelie throne.
Suspecting her of being an assassin sent to thwart his plans to invade the human world, Mendax stabs Callie and leaves her for dead. However, a mysterious fox, previously seen near her home, heals her wounds and disappears.
Captured by Mendax’s guards, Callie is thrown into a dungeon, where Mendax’s attempts to kill her are repeatedly thwarted. First, a creature known as the forest bog fails to end her life, and then Mendax’s assassin, Lord Alastair Cain, a panther shapeshifter, chooses to protect her instead, recognizing her unique connection to animals.
Callie eventually kills the forest bog and creates a key from its bones, planning her escape. But Mendax’s brother, Walter, who has been living as a rat in the dungeon, advises her against fleeing.
He knows Callie is special, and offers to help her, but their plan is foiled by Mendax’s sudden arrival. In a fit of rage, Mendax throws Walter from a precipice, urged on by their mother, the Queen, who despises humans.
Mendax is conflicted, unable to kill Callie due to his growing feelings for her. The Queen suggests they bond and then kill her, but Mendax refuses. Instead, he offers Callie three deadly trials.
She survives each through a combination of her knowledge and sheer willpower, all while their mutual attraction deepens, culminating in a forbidden romance.
However, during the final trial, Callie reveals her true identity as a Seelie Fae assassin, plunging a dagger into Mendax’s weak spot.
Waking up in a hospital, she is confronted by Earl, who transforms into Aurelius, a Seelie prince. Unbeknownst to Callie, who grieves Mendax’s death, he survives, and her betrayal marks the beginning of a deadly pursuit.
Characters
Callie Peterson
Callie Peterson is the protagonist of How Does It Feel?, a complex character who embodies a blend of curiosity, resilience, and inner turmoil. As an environmental biologist, she is deeply connected to nature, with a particular fascination for winged creatures like the luna moth.
This interest reflects her own symbolic connection to flight and transformation, as her journey leads her from the human world to the dangerous realm of the Unseelie Fae. Callie’s past encounter with a fairy as a child shapes her belief in the supernatural, despite being dismissed as a hallucination by others.
This event foreshadows her eventual crossing into the Fae realm and suggests an innate connection to that world. Her character is driven by a desire to protect and restore balance, as seen in her work with moths, but this mission takes on a darker edge as she grapples with her true nature as an assassin.
Callie’s relationship with Mendax is fraught with tension, blending her inner conflict between duty and desire. Her betrayal of Mendax, despite their growing bond, reveals a ruthless streak and a deep-seated loyalty to her adoptive Seelie family.
This indicates that her character is not just a victim of circumstance but an active player with her own agenda.
Prince Mendax
Prince Mendax is a complex antagonist who evolves throughout the story, transitioning from a menacing figure to a tragic anti-hero. As the royal heir to the Unseelie throne, Mendax embodies the darker aspects of Fae lore—he is ruthless, suspicious, and initially driven by a desire to invade the human world.
His paranoia about Callie’s intentions leads to multiple attempts on her life, highlighting his cruel and calculating nature. However, Mendax’s character is not one-dimensional; his attraction to Callie complicates his motivations.
He is drawn to her beauty and resilience, which gradually softens his initial hostility. This inner conflict between his duty to his people and his personal feelings for Callie adds depth to his character, making him more than just a villain.
Mendax’s refusal to bond with anyone, which would mean sharing his powers, indicates his fear of vulnerability and loss of control. These traits define his leadership style.
His eventual willingness to protect Callie during the trials, even at the cost of his own safety, suggests a capacity for love and sacrifice. This makes his character arc tragic as it is undermined by Callie’s ultimate betrayal.
Queen Saracen
Queen Saracen, the unseen but powerful ruler of the Seelie Fae, exerts significant influence over the narrative despite not being directly involved in the action. Her role as Callie’s adoptive mother and the leader of the Seelie Fae positions her as a shadowy figure of authority and manipulation.
Saracen’s decision to keep half of Callie’s heart as a means of ensuring her loyalty illustrates her ruthless and calculating nature. She is willing to exploit even those closest to her to achieve her goals, which in this case, involves the assassination of Prince Mendax to thwart the Unseelie invasion.
Saracen’s character represents the often harsh and unforgiving nature of Fae politics, where loyalty is bought and power is maintained through fear and control. Her influence over Callie suggests a deep bond, but one that is tainted by manipulation and the demands of power.
Lord Alastair Cain
Lord Alastair Cain, Mendax’s loyal assassin, embodies the duality of ferocity and compassion. As a panther shifter, Cain represents the animalistic and primal aspects of the Unseelie Fae, yet he is not without a sense of morality.
His decision to protect Callie, despite his orders to kill her, indicates a deep respect for life and perhaps an unspoken kinship with her, as animals are naturally drawn to Callie. Cain’s actions suggest that even in the darkest realms, there are glimmers of honor and mercy.
His loyalty to Mendax is complex, rooted in both fear and respect, but his choice to spare Callie reveals an independent streak and a moral code that sets him apart from the other inhabitants of the Unseelie court.
Walter
Walter, the brother of Prince Mendax and a shapeshifter, serves as a bridge between Callie and the Unseelie court. His transformation from a rat to a human symbolizes the deceptive and mutable nature of the Fae, where appearances are often misleading.
Walter’s protective instincts toward Callie, despite his allegiance to the Unseelie court, suggest a more compassionate and conflicted character. He is torn between his loyalty to his brother and his empathy for Callie, highlighting the internal divisions within the Unseelie Fae.
Walter’s role in the story underscores the theme of betrayal and the complex web of relationships that define the Fae world.
Earl/Eli/Aurelius
Earl, who is later revealed to be Eli and ultimately Aurelius, is shrouded in mystery and deception. Initially presented as a helpful and somewhat melancholic local man, Earl’s true identity as a Seelie Fae and Callie’s childhood friend adds a layer of intrigue to the narrative.
His dual identity reflects the theme of hidden truths and the blurred lines between friend and foe. As Aurelius, he represents the Seelie Fae’s commitment to protecting humans, but his involvement in the plot to use Callie as an assassin complicates his character.
He is both a protector and a manipulator, guiding Callie while also serving the interests of the Seelie court. His transformation from a trusted friend to a figure of authority in the Seelie Fae world reveals the complexity of his character and the hidden agendas at play in the story.
The Queen (Mendax’s Mother)
The Queen of the Unseelie Fae, Mendax’s mother, is a formidable presence in the story. She represents the brutal and unforgiving nature of the Unseelie court.
Her hatred for humans and her desire to see Callie dead exemplify the xenophobia and cruelty that define the Unseelie Fae. The Queen’s influence over Mendax is profound, shaping his attitudes and actions toward Callie and others.
Her proposal to have Mendax bonded to Callie, only to kill her later, illustrates her strategic thinking and willingness to exploit even her son’s emotions to maintain power. The Queen’s character serves as a reminder of the dark and perilous world Callie has entered, where alliances are fleeting, and survival depends on cunning and ruthlessness.
Themes
The Complexity of Power and Control
How Does It Feel? delves deeply into the dynamics of power and control, especially within the relationship between Callie and Prince Mendax. The narrative explores how power can be both seductive and destructive, with Mendax’s initial attempts to exert dominance over Callie symbolizing the dark allure of control.
Mendax, as the heir to the Unseelie throne, is accustomed to wielding power without question, but his encounters with Callie force him to confront the limitations of his authority. Their relationship becomes a battlefield where control oscillates between resistance and submission.
Ultimately, it reveals that true power lies not in domination but in understanding and vulnerability. Callie, too, struggles with her own form of control, initially appearing as a passive victim but gradually revealing her agency, particularly through her role as an assassin.
This theme of power is further complicated by the hierarchical structures of the Fae realms, where royal lineage and magical abilities dictate status and influence. Mendax’s refusal to bond with Callie, despite his growing affection for her, reflects his fear of relinquishing his power, underscoring the tension between personal desire and political obligation.
The Intersection of Love and Betrayal
Love and betrayal are central themes that drive the plot and character motivations in How Does It Feel? Callie and Mendax’s relationship is a tumultuous journey marked by intense emotions that blur the lines between love and hate, trust and deceit.
Mendax’s initial mistrust of Callie, believing her to be an assassin, sets the stage for their fraught interactions. Despite his numerous attempts to kill her, Mendax finds himself drawn to Callie, with his feelings evolving from suspicion to love.
This love, however, is not pure or uncomplicated; it is tainted by the knowledge that Callie, too, harbors secrets. Her ultimate betrayal—revealing herself as the assassin sent by the Seelie Fae to kill Mendax—adds a tragic layer to their relationship.
The theme of betrayal is not confined to the romantic subplot but also extends to familial and political relationships. This is seen in Mendax’s strained bond with his brother Walter and his manipulative mother, the Queen.
The final act of betrayal, where Callie stabs Mendax, is a poignant culmination of the tension between her duty to the Seelie Fae and her genuine feelings for Mendax. This highlights the painful intersection of love and betrayal.
The Conflict Between Nature and the Supernatural
Throughout the novel, the natural world and the supernatural realm of the Fae are inextricably linked. This reflects the broader theme of the conflict between nature and the supernatural.
Callie’s background as an environmental scientist emphasizes her connection to the natural world, particularly her fascination with winged creatures like moths and butterflies. This interest in the natural world serves as a bridge to the supernatural, as her search for rare mushrooms leads her to the fairy realm.
The Fae themselves are embodiments of this theme, existing as supernatural beings with close ties to nature, yet their existence is marked by a fundamental disconnect from the natural order. This is particularly evident in the case of the Unseelie Fae.
Mendax’s plan to invade the human world represents a violation of the natural balance, a theme that resonates with Callie’s own struggle to reconcile her scientific understanding of the world with the magical reality she encounters. The destructive aspects of the supernatural—represented by creatures like the forest bog and the dragon-like beast—are contrasted with the healing and protective elements of nature, such as the fox that saves Callie.
This theme underscores the tension between the human desire to control and manipulate nature and the inherent unpredictability and power of the supernatural.
Identity and Duality
The theme of identity and duality is intricately woven into the fabric of the story, particularly through the characters of Callie and Mendax. Callie’s identity is multifaceted: she is both a scientist and an assassin, a human and, by her ties to the Seelie Fae, something more than human.
Her dual identity is mirrored in the duality of the Fae world, with the Seelie and Unseelie courts representing opposing forces of light and darkness. Mendax, as a character, embodies duality as well; he is both a prince and a potential tyrant, torn between his duty to his people and his personal desires.
The concept of duality extends to the broader narrative structure, where the human and Fae worlds exist in parallel, each influencing and reflecting the other. Callie’s struggle to navigate her dual roles reflects the larger theme of identity in flux, as characters are often forced to confront and reconcile conflicting aspects of themselves.
The revelation of Callie’s true nature as an assassin at the novel’s climax is a pivotal moment that crystallizes this theme. It forces both her and Mendax to confront the dualities within themselves and their relationship.
The Role of Fate and Free Will
Finally, How Does It Feel? explores the tension between fate and free will, a theme that is central to the characters’ journeys. The Fae world is one where fate is often seen as inescapable, with prophecies, bonds, and trials dictating the paths of its inhabitants.
Mendax’s destiny as the heir to the Unseelie throne and his mother’s attempts to control his future through a forced bond with Callie highlight the constraints of fate. However, the novel also emphasizes the power of free will, particularly through Callie’s actions.
Despite the manipulations of the Seelie and Unseelie courts, Callie repeatedly exercises her agency. Whether it’s through her determination to survive the trials or her ultimate decision to betray Mendax, Callie’s choices are her own.
The tension between these forces is encapsulated in the trials themselves, where Callie’s survival seems to hinge on both her fate as a special human and her ability to make the right choices.
The ending of the novel, with Callie’s uncertain future and Mendax’s survival, leaves the question of fate versus free will unresolved, suggesting that both forces are in constant interplay, shaping the characters’ destinies in unpredictable ways.