How Does It Feel Summary, Characters and Themes
How Does It Feel? the first installment in Jeneane O’Riley’s Infatuated Fae series, delves into the shadowy, perilous world of fairy lore. The story follows Callie Peterson, an environmental biologist with a lifelong fascination with winged creatures. While searching for rare mushrooms, she accidentally enters the dangerous realm of the Unseelie Fae.
There, she encounters Prince Mendax, a brooding and ruthless heir plotting to invade the human world. What unfolds is a dark, twisting tale of attraction and deception, where Callie’s hidden identity and Mendax’s violent nature lead to an intense, forbidden connection.
Summary
In the Prologue, we meet Callie Peterson, an environmental biologist with a deep love for winged creatures, who finds herself imprisoned in a dungeon, careful not to awaken a lurking beast. Having recently moved to Willow Springs to study the elusive luna moth, Callie is a solitary figure, preferring the company of animals over people.
Her work at a local animal rehabilitation center brings her peace, yet she is eager to head to Mexico to continue her research on monarch butterflies.
Her passion for winged beings stems from a childhood encounter with a golden fairy, which she protected from harm, only to wake up in a hospital later, told that she had hallucinated due to exposure to toxic mushrooms.
Despite being warned, Callie’s belief in fairies remains unshaken, bolstered by her missing friend, Eli, who always believed in her experiences. In Willow Springs, she befriends Earl, a former state biologist who was dismissed from his position.
They bond over Callie’s new field microscope, and Earl offers to help her find the rare mushrooms needed to save the luna moths from a deadly parasite. Their search leads them to a “destroying angel” mushroom, which dampens Earl’s spirits.
When Callie returns to the field later to retrieve her forgotten microscope, she discovers a ring of mushrooms—a portal to the fairy realm.
Falling into the Fae realm, Callie lands atop Prince Mendax, the dark and enigmatic heir to the Unseelie throne.
Suspecting her of being an assassin sent to thwart his plans to invade the human world, Mendax stabs Callie and leaves her for dead. However, a mysterious fox, previously seen near her home, heals her wounds and disappears.
Captured by Mendax’s guards, Callie is thrown into a dungeon, where Mendax’s attempts to kill her are repeatedly thwarted. First, a creature known as the forest bog fails to end her life, and then Mendax’s assassin, Lord Alastair Cain, a panther shapeshifter, chooses to protect her instead, recognizing her unique connection to animals.
Callie eventually kills the forest bog and creates a key from its bones, planning her escape. But Mendax’s brother, Walter, who has been living as a rat in the dungeon, advises her against fleeing.
He knows Callie is special, and offers to help her, but their plan is foiled by Mendax’s sudden arrival. In a fit of rage, Mendax throws Walter from a precipice, urged on by their mother, the Queen, who despises humans.
Mendax is conflicted, unable to kill Callie due to his growing feelings for her. The Queen suggests they bond and then kill her, but Mendax refuses. Instead, he offers Callie three deadly trials.
She survives each through a combination of her knowledge and sheer willpower, all while their mutual attraction deepens, culminating in a forbidden romance.
However, during the final trial, Callie reveals her true identity as a Seelie Fae assassin, plunging a dagger into Mendax’s weak spot.
Waking up in a hospital, she is confronted by Earl, who transforms into Aurelius, a Seelie prince. Unbeknownst to Callie, who grieves Mendax’s death, he survives, and her betrayal marks the beginning of a deadly pursuit.
Characters
Callie Peterson
Callie Peterson is the protagonist of How Does It Feel?, a complex character who embodies a blend of curiosity, resilience, and inner turmoil. As an environmental biologist, she is deeply connected to nature, with a particular fascination for winged creatures like the luna moth.
This interest reflects her own symbolic connection to flight and transformation, as her journey leads her from the human world to the dangerous realm of the Unseelie Fae. Callie’s past encounter with a fairy as a child shapes her belief in the supernatural, despite being dismissed as a hallucination by others.
This event foreshadows her eventual crossing into the Fae realm and suggests an innate connection to that world. Her character is driven by a desire to protect and restore balance, as seen in her work with moths, but this mission takes on a darker edge as she grapples with her true nature as an assassin.
Callie’s relationship with Mendax is fraught with tension, blending her inner conflict between duty and desire. Her betrayal of Mendax, despite their growing bond, reveals a ruthless streak and a deep-seated loyalty to her adoptive Seelie family.
This indicates that her character is not just a victim of circumstance but an active player with her own agenda.
Prince Mendax
Prince Mendax is a complex antagonist who evolves throughout the story, transitioning from a menacing figure to a tragic anti-hero. As the royal heir to the Unseelie throne, Mendax embodies the darker aspects of Fae lore—he is ruthless, suspicious, and initially driven by a desire to invade the human world.
His paranoia about Callie’s intentions leads to multiple attempts on her life, highlighting his cruel and calculating nature. However, Mendax’s character is not one-dimensional; his attraction to Callie complicates his motivations.
He is drawn to her beauty and resilience, which gradually softens his initial hostility. This inner conflict between his duty to his people and his personal feelings for Callie adds depth to his character, making him more than just a villain.
Mendax’s refusal to bond with anyone, which would mean sharing his powers, indicates his fear of vulnerability and loss of control. These traits define his leadership style.
His eventual willingness to protect Callie during the trials, even at the cost of his own safety, suggests a capacity for love and sacrifice. This makes his character arc tragic as it is undermined by Callie’s ultimate betrayal.
Queen Saracen
Queen Saracen, the unseen but powerful ruler of the Seelie Fae, exerts significant influence over the narrative despite not being directly involved in the action. Her role as Callie’s adoptive mother and the leader of the Seelie Fae positions her as a shadowy figure of authority and manipulation.
Saracen’s decision to keep half of Callie’s heart as a means of ensuring her loyalty illustrates her ruthless and calculating nature. She is willing to exploit even those closest to her to achieve her goals, which in this case, involves the assassination of Prince Mendax to thwart the Unseelie invasion.
Saracen’s character represents the often harsh and unforgiving nature of Fae politics, where loyalty is bought and power is maintained through fear and control. Her influence over Callie suggests a deep bond, but one that is tainted by manipulation and the demands of power.
Lord Alastair Cain
Lord Alastair Cain, Mendax’s loyal assassin, embodies the duality of ferocity and compassion. As a panther shifter, Cain represents the animalistic and primal aspects of the Unseelie Fae, yet he is not without a sense of morality.
His decision to protect Callie, despite his orders to kill her, indicates a deep respect for life and perhaps an unspoken kinship with her, as animals are naturally drawn to Callie. Cain’s actions suggest that even in the darkest realms, there are glimmers of honor and mercy.
His loyalty to Mendax is complex, rooted in both fear and respect, but his choice to spare Callie reveals an independent streak and a moral code that sets him apart from the other inhabitants of the Unseelie court.
Walter
Walter, the brother of Prince Mendax and a shapeshifter, serves as a bridge between Callie and the Unseelie court. His transformation from a rat to a human symbolizes the deceptive and mutable nature of the Fae, where appearances are often misleading.
Walter’s protective instincts toward Callie, despite his allegiance to the Unseelie court, suggest a more compassionate and conflicted character. He is torn between his loyalty to his brother and his empathy for Callie, highlighting the internal divisions within the Unseelie Fae.
Walter’s role in the story underscores the theme of betrayal and the complex web of relationships that define the Fae world.
Earl/Eli/Aurelius
Earl, who is later revealed to be Eli and ultimately Aurelius, is shrouded in mystery and deception. Initially presented as a helpful and somewhat melancholic local man, Earl’s true identity as a Seelie Fae and Callie’s childhood friend adds a layer of intrigue to the narrative.
His dual identity reflects the theme of hidden truths and the blurred lines between friend and foe. As Aurelius, he represents the Seelie Fae’s commitment to protecting humans, but his involvement in the plot to use Callie as an assassin complicates his character.
He is both a protector and a manipulator, guiding Callie while also serving the interests of the Seelie court. His transformation from a trusted friend to a figure of authority in the Seelie Fae world reveals the complexity of his character and the hidden agendas at play in the story.
The Queen (Mendax’s Mother)
The Queen of the Unseelie Fae, Mendax’s mother, is a formidable presence in the story. She represents the brutal and unforgiving nature of the Unseelie court.
Her hatred for humans and her desire to see Callie dead exemplify the xenophobia and cruelty that define the Unseelie Fae. The Queen’s influence over Mendax is profound, shaping his attitudes and actions toward Callie and others.
Her proposal to have Mendax bonded to Callie, only to kill her later, illustrates her strategic thinking and willingness to exploit even her son’s emotions to maintain power. The Queen’s character serves as a reminder of the dark and perilous world Callie has entered, where alliances are fleeting, and survival depends on cunning and ruthlessness.
Themes
Power and Control
In How Does It Feel, the exploration of power runs throughout both the human and Fae worlds, shaping every encounter Callie faces. From the opening scenes in the dungeon, where she is reduced to prey for both the monstrous bog and Mendax’s cruel authority, to the political maneuvering of the Seelie and Unseelie courts, the theme of power is omnipresent.
Power is expressed not only in brute strength, as with Mendax’s smoke magic or the queen’s capacity to command obedience, but also in more insidious forms—emotional manipulation, psychological domination, and the ability to dictate another’s choices. Callie is consistently placed in situations where her agency is threatened, whether by Cliff’s relentless pursuit, Mendax’s desire to claim her as his possession, or even the Lepidoptera Society’s prejudices against her youth and independence.
Yet, her resistance to this control defines her character. She survives the Blood Forest trial not because she overpowers her attackers, but because she applies her scientific knowledge in a way that undermines their advantage. The novel positions power as a shifting, unstable force: it can inspire fear, seduction, dependence, or resistance, but it rarely remains with one figure for long. Mendax’s obsession reveals the weakness beneath his dominance, showing how even those who hold extraordinary authority can be undone by desire.
Through these struggles, the book presents power not as an absolute possession, but as a contested force that can corrupt, seduce, or be outwitted.
Science and Rationality Versus the Supernatural
Callie embodies the voice of rationality, carrying the discipline of an environmental scientist into a realm where logic is constantly undermined by Fae enchantments and horrors. Her projects—whether saving luna moths from parasites through fungi or nurturing wildlife back to health—reflect a grounded commitment to measurable results and natural processes.
However, when she encounters the glowing fox, fairy rings, and creatures that defy explanation, her scientific instincts collide with forces that cannot be quantified. This tension is not just external but internal, as Callie struggles to reconcile her identity as a rational scientist with memories of her childhood vision of battling fairies. Instead of discarding science, she adapts it; her survival in the Blood Forest trial is achieved through biological insight, applying natural knowledge to supernatural threats.
The novel thereby situates science not as an opposing force to magic, but as a tool of survival in environments where reason is often overwhelmed by fear and deception.
At the same time, the recurring presence of mushrooms—organisms tied to both ecology and mystical lore—acts as a symbol of this intersection, embodying the threshold where natural science crosses into myth. The narrative emphasizes that knowledge and empirical thinking can coexist with wonder, but survival often requires acknowledging both worlds at once.
Isolation and Belonging
From the outset, Callie is portrayed as an outsider. Her neighbors distrust her, labeling her eccentric because of her devotion to wildlife and her solitary lifestyle. Even in professional circles, she is excluded by committees that dismiss her ambition due to societal expectations about marriage and family.
This isolation shapes her resilience but also underscores her longing for recognition and connection. Her bond with Earl, despite his status as the town’s pariah, becomes an important reflection of this theme; both characters are defined by their separation from society, but in each other, they find acceptance.
When Callie is transported into the Fae realm, the sense of alienation deepens into terror, as she becomes a human spectacle in a court that sees her as both novelty and food. Mendax’s obsessive fascination only sharpens this tension: she is both desired and despised, claimed yet never fully belonging. Even when she discovers Aurelius and remembers her Seelie ties, belonging remains uncertain, for she is caught between competing loyalties. The novel thus portrays belonging as a fragile, unstable state—one that Callie seeks but cannot easily attain.
Her journey suggests that true belonging may not come from external validation but from her own recognition of her strength, even when no community embraces her fully.
Obsession and Desire
The relationship between Callie and Mendax is driven by obsession, marked by passion, violence, and betrayal. Mendax is not content with control; his fixation on Callie grows into an all-consuming need that destabilizes his rule, his loyalty to his mother, and even his sense of self.
For Callie, the attraction is fraught—she knows him as cruel, manipulative, and dangerous, yet she cannot entirely resist the pull between them. Their intimacy reveals the darker side of desire: how it blurs boundaries between love and domination, longing and fear. Mendax insists that he would destroy everything to keep her, while Callie, torn between her role as an assassin and her growing attachment, oscillates between surrender and resistance.
This obsession is destructive not only for them but for the worlds they inhabit, since their bond fuels conflict between the Seelie and Unseelie. The narrative explores how desire, when left unchecked, can erode judgment, reshape power structures, and blur moral lines. Yet it also reveals how such intensity can awaken vulnerability, forcing characters to confront truths about themselves they might otherwise ignore.
Betrayal and Loyalty
Throughout the book, loyalty is tested and betrayal becomes inevitable. Callie’s relationship with Aurelius and Queen Saracen anchors her to the Seelie cause, but her bond with Mendax complicates that allegiance.
She ultimately betrays Mendax by stabbing him, fulfilling her mission but fracturing her heart in the process. Mendax himself betrays his queen by protecting Callie, defying his mother’s orders, and nearly dismantling his own court in pursuit of her. Even Walter, his foster brother, demonstrates divided loyalties, protecting Callie at great personal risk. These shifting alliances reflect the instability of trust in a world built on deception and politics.
Betrayal is never portrayed as a simple act of malice but as a consequence of competing loyalties and irreconcilable choices. Callie’s betrayal of Mendax, in particular, reveals the cost of survival: in order to honor one promise, she must shatter another bond, ensuring that loss is tied to every act of faithfulness.
This theme underscores the tragic dimension of the narrative, as characters continually discover that devotion often comes hand in hand with inevitable treachery.
