Rules of Our Own Summary, Characters and Themes
Rules of Our Own by Jessa Wilder is a contemporary romance novel that explores a polyamorous love story through the perspectives of three deeply connected characters: Mia, a driven medical intern and charity founder; River, a fiery and emotionally complex NHL star; and Alex, his equally magnetic teammate.
The book unfolds against the backdrop of a wedding reunion, where the past and present collide to reignite long-buried emotions and unresolved tension.
With alternating points of view, the story chronicles the trio’s emotionally fraught journey as they navigate jealousy, healing, identity, and the pursuit of love that defies traditional norms.
It offers a raw and heartfelt look at intimacy and self-discovery.
Summary
The novel begins with Mia rushing to attend her best friend Piper’s wedding in Napa Valley.
A missed flight and a spontaneous act of kindness cause a delay, landing her in a shared villa with River and Alex—two men from her university days with whom she shares an intense and unresolved emotional history.
Years ago, the trio had a complicated dynamic that ended in heartbreak, jealousy, and a violent rift between the two men.
Forced back into close proximity, Mia attempts to avoid confrontation, but the emotional and sexual chemistry quickly becomes undeniable.
The confined setting and shared past spark heated encounters and intimate moments, culminating in Mia, River, and Alex agreeing to explore a romantic weekend together.
What begins as a temporary reconnection soon becomes emotionally charged as all three confront the gravity of their feelings.
They acknowledge the depth of their bond, with River and Alex revealing their lingering affection for Mia.
Despite her hesitations, Mia agrees to be “theirs” for the weekend, hoping to enjoy the moment without expectations.
The trio’s emotional connection grows, marked by mutual vulnerability and deeper conversations.
However, returning to their everyday lives proves difficult.
Mia struggles with balancing her public image and internal fears, especially when her emotionally manipulative ex, Jason, reappears and triggers old trauma.
Alex and River commit to trying a long-distance relationship with Mia, supporting her career and her charity, which provides prosthetics for underprivileged children.
Despite their efforts, jealousy and societal scrutiny begin to wear on Mia.
She questions the long-term viability of their arrangement and fears being a burden or fantasy rather than a true partner.
A turning point comes when media attention compromises her privacy, and her residency supervisors subtly criticize her personal life.
The pressure intensifies when Jason confronts her in person, resulting in a highly emotional scene.
Mia, overwhelmed and afraid of hurting the men she loves, ends the relationship.
The trio is left devastated—Alex withdraws, River becomes emotionally unstable, and Mia throws herself into her charity work, convincing herself that self-sacrifice is the right choice.
A small gesture—a prosthetic limb signed by a child helped by her charity—reminds Mia of the love and support she once felt.
It reopens her heart, prompting tentative steps toward reconciliation.
River visits her, affirming his love without pressuring her, and Mia reconnects with Alex through a nostalgic gift.
She eventually invites them both to a private dinner, where she lays everything bare—her fears, mistakes, and her love for them.
With honesty and renewed commitment, the trio reunites and begins to reshape their relationship.
They attend therapy to establish a strong foundation and choose transparency over secrecy.
Mia comes out publicly at a gala, announcing their relationship to a surprisingly supportive audience.
Meanwhile, River and Alex move to San Francisco to be closer to Mia, and the three start living together.
The closing chapters focus on building a sustainable future—River mentors young athletes, Alex returns to painting, and Mia balances her medical career and nonprofit work.
A major fundraising event solidifies their impact as a team, professionally and personally.
The novel concludes with a heartfelt Thanksgiving gathering, where friends celebrate the trio’s love and growth.
In the epilogue, the three are thriving—each pursuing individual goals while nurturing their shared bond.
The final message echoes Mia’s early musings about societal rules: they no longer conform to others’ expectations—they make their own rules, together.
Characters
Mia
Mia stands at the emotional core of the novel, portrayed as both fiercely independent and profoundly vulnerable. A medical intern and founder of a prosthetics charity, she juggles her career ambitions with deeply rooted emotional scars, especially from a past abusive relationship with her ex, Jason.
From the outset, she’s seen as someone who often sacrifices her desires for the comfort and success of others. Her struggle is not just romantic but existential—trying to reconcile a life of structure and sacrifice with one that allows joy and fullness.
Throughout the book, Mia transforms from a woman who hides behind social norms and fear of judgment into someone who publicly owns her unconventional relationship and reclaims agency over her story. Her love for River and Alex is deep and layered, not simply a matter of lust but born of shared history, emotional resonance, and a longing to be fully seen.
By the end, she doesn’t just find love—she finds liberation, choosing authenticity and community over martyrdom.
River
River is the novel’s quiet storm—an NHL athlete haunted by past mistakes and unresolved emotions. His connection with Mia is soul-deep, driven by a complex mix of guilt, longing, and unyielding devotion.
He is initially introduced as emotionally guarded, but beneath that exterior lies a man desperate for reconciliation, not only with Mia but also with Alex, whose friendship he once fractured. His arc is defined by restraint and growth: whether it’s holding back from violence when provoked by Jason or patiently waiting for Mia to choose him freely, River learns the power of quiet love.
He’s a man used to intense public scrutiny yet deeply introspective, who begins using his platform for good—mentoring young athletes and writing a memoir. River’s emotional vulnerability is one of the most compelling threads of the novel.
By the conclusion, he embodies emotional maturity, no longer defined by past rage but by his capacity to nurture, forgive, and fiercely love.
Alex
Alex, the charismatic and emotionally complex other half of the hockey duo, is portrayed as both Mia’s past regret and her unexpected second chance. Unlike River’s brooding quietness, Alex carries himself with a veneer of confidence, often using charm and humor as armor.
Yet his emotional wounds run deep, particularly his lingering guilt over not fighting for Mia during their university days. Alex’s development revolves around self-forgiveness and the challenge of being emotionally present.
He initially struggles to navigate the polyamorous dynamic, especially given his own fear of inadequacy, but gradually evolves into a man capable of deep emotional intimacy—not just with Mia, but with River too. His love manifests through acts of service: supporting Mia’s nonprofit, using his fame to amplify her cause, and even creating art again after years of emotional repression.
His breakdown midway through the novel, and his eventual decision to fully commit to their triad, marks one of the most poignant turns in his arc. He represents healing through action, proving that redemption is not about perfection but presence.
Jason
Though not a primary protagonist, Jason, Mia’s emotionally abusive ex, serves as a looming antagonist throughout the narrative. He’s less a three-dimensional character and more a shadow of Mia’s trauma, embodying the societal and emotional control that once caged her.
His reappearances spark Mia’s internal regressions, reminding her of the cost of silence and self-denial. His manipulative texts and veiled threats escalate until he shows up in person, attempting to destabilize her newfound joy.
Jason’s presence is a critical narrative device—by confronting and ultimately rejecting his influence, Mia symbolically sheds the last vestiges of her fear-based existence. He is a ghost from her past who forces all three leads, especially Mia and River, to confront what it means to protect, to fight back, and to heal without retaliation.
Themes
Polyamory and Nontraditional Love
One of the central themes of Rules of Our Own is the nuanced portrayal of polyamorous love. Rather than idealizing or eroticizing it without complexity, the narrative presents a grounded and emotionally realistic exploration of what it means to love more than one person.
Mia’s evolving relationship with River and Alex is layered with affection, desire, communication, and internal conflict. Each of the three individuals brings different needs, insecurities, and desires into the dynamic.
The story demonstrates how love can stretch beyond the binaries of exclusivity without losing its authenticity. The characters continually reassess their comfort zones, learning that emotional honesty and vulnerability are foundational to sustaining a relationship of this nature.
The triad doesn’t emerge fully formed but is shaped by fear, courage, and negotiation. Polyamory in this context isn’t about indulgence—it’s about building a model of love that fits who they are, not who they were taught to be.
Emotional Consent and Boundary Setting
Consent, both physical and emotional, is treated with deep intentionality throughout the novel. Whether it’s a steamy scene or an emotionally vulnerable conversation, the characters are constantly checking in with one another.
This theme stands out as a quiet, powerful force driving the emotional evolution of the trio. Mia, River, and Alex all have histories of trauma or regret that shape how they approach intimacy.
Their ability to voice hesitations, redefine rules, and express fears becomes a form of healing. The notion of “rules” in the title becomes a metaphor not just for their arrangement but for how people construct emotional safety.
In a polyamorous relationship where boundaries can easily become blurred, the clear articulation of needs and limits is what allows their bond to thrive rather than collapse. Respect for personal space and autonomy is a consistent marker of maturity.
The trio doesn’t just consent to love; they consent to risk, to emotional exposure, and to discomfort in order to build a stronger, more ethical connection.
Healing from Trauma and Toxic Relationships
Mia’s relationship with Jason, her manipulative ex, casts a long shadow over much of the narrative. Her trauma doesn’t manifest in a single outburst or moment of breakdown—it subtly informs her people-pleasing instincts, her reluctance to trust intimacy, and her tendency to self-sacrifice.
What makes this theme particularly resonant is the slow, often frustrating way in which trauma is shown to erode self-worth. Mia’s arc becomes one of reclamation, not just of romantic agency but of her right to joy and safety.
Her eventual ability to confront Jason, and even more critically, to stop running from the men who genuinely care for her, signals a major shift in how she views her own value. The narrative doesn’t simplify the recovery process.
There are setbacks, emotional shutdowns, and missed opportunities, but the story affirms that healing is not about perfection—it’s about permission. By giving herself permission to feel, to want, and to be loved without condition, Mia reclaims a sense of self that was once stripped by emotional abuse.
The same applies to River and Alex, who both face their own versions of internalized regret and emotional armor. The novel shows that healing in relationships is rarely one-sided.
Identity, Reputation, and Public Scrutiny
Another important theme is the tension between private truth and public image. This is especially relevant given the careers of River and Alex as professional hockey players and Mia’s role as a medical intern and charity founder.
Their relationship is constantly under threat from societal norms and institutional biases. The story examines how visibility—whether in the media, among friends, or in the workplace—can complicate authenticity.
Mia’s fear of judgment from her supervisors and her professional circle reflects a larger question: to what extent should love be performative, acceptable, or explainable to others? Her decision to speak openly about her relationship at a charity gala marks a moment of radical integrity.
Instead of shrinking to fit others’ expectations, she expands into the full truth of her life. The cost of this transparency is not dismissed; there is fear and some backlash.
But the narrative affirms that living honestly, even if difficult, is ultimately liberating. Reputation, in this context, is reframed not as something to protect through silence but something that can be reshaped through courage.
Female Solidarity and Emotional Anchoring
While the romance is central, the supporting female friendships are just as vital to the narrative’s emotional ecosystem. Piper, Shana, Misty, and the rest of the girls provide more than comic relief or secondary subplots—they serve as mirrors, challengers, and validators of Mia’s journey.
These women consistently offer honest advice, push her to recognize her patterns, and affirm her right to happiness. The presence of female solidarity keeps Mia grounded, especially during moments when her romantic life feels overwhelming or isolating.
Their support creates a context in which vulnerability doesn’t have to equate to weakness. Female friendship in Rules of Our Own is a place where difficult truths can be spoken with love, and where laughter and comfort coexist with blunt honesty.
These relationships model a kind of emotional maturity that complements the central romance. Love doesn’t only come from partners—it comes from chosen family.
The theme affirms that strong relationships with other women are not peripheral but essential to a woman’s capacity to navigate romantic and personal growth.