The Girl I Was Summary, Characters and Themes
The Girl I Was by Jeneva Rose is a novel that blends self-discovery and time travel. The story follows Alexis Spencer, who unexpectedly finds herself transported back to her college years, inhabiting the life of her younger self, Lexi.
This strange time-loop allows Alexis to witness her former decisions with the clarity of hindsight. As she struggles to navigate her new reality, Alexis tries to guide her younger self toward making different choices, hoping to alter the course of her life. However, the experience proves far more complicated than she imagined, forcing Alexis to confront her own regrets, relationships, and the consequences of her actions. The novel explores themes of personal growth, redemption, and the difficulty of changing the past.
Summary
The story begins with Alexis Spencer, a woman facing a crisis in her life. After being unexpectedly fired from her job, Alexis feels defeated, carrying her personal and professional frustrations into a tense evening with her long-term partner, Andrew.
The night ends in heartbreak when Andrew reveals his intention to propose but is now uncertain about their future together. With her life unraveling, Alexis is left to contemplate the deep struggles she faces.
The next morning, Alexis wakes up confused and disoriented, only to discover that she has somehow traveled back in time to 2002, during her college years. She is now living in the body of her younger self, Lexi, and is able to witness her past through the eyes of the woman she has become.
Alexis feels lost in her younger self’s life, experiencing college from a new perspective with the knowledge of the struggles and mistakes that lie ahead. She believes this opportunity gives her a chance to prevent her past missteps, particularly the decisions that have led her to this point of personal failure.
Alexis’ first move is to try to influence her younger self, Lexi, to make better choices. Lexi is a carefree college student who enjoys partying and doesn’t take life too seriously.
Alexis, now with the wisdom of experience, wants to push Lexi to study harder, focus on her future, and avoid the mistakes Alexis made. However, Lexi resists, preferring to continue her carefree lifestyle.
Alexis finds it increasingly difficult to communicate with her younger self, as Lexi refuses to understand the gravity of the decisions she is making.
As Alexis navigates her strange new life in the past, she is faced with her inability to change things as easily as she hoped. The more she tries to intervene, the more her younger self resists.
Alexis also discovers that she is trapped in 2002 with no clear way to return to her present life, leaving her feeling even more helpless. She grapples with the guilt of her past and the sense that she cannot fix her broken relationship with Andrew.
Things become more complicated as Alexis and Lexi interact in ways that reveal their different personalities and priorities. While Alexis tries to give Lexi advice, she realizes that the past cannot be rewritten as easily as she thought.
Their dynamic shifts from tension to occasional understanding, but Alexis is still desperate to find a way back to her life, particularly to make amends with Andrew. Despite her frustrations, she presses on, trying to guide her younger self toward a better future.
The conflict deepens when Alexis and her friends embark on a road trip to Minnesota to visit a hot spring, a place Lexi believes could help Alexis return to her own time. On the trip, Alexis tries to bond with her friends, all while being increasingly aware of how much her relationship with them has changed over the years.
The friends share moments of vulnerability, with Alexis learning more about the struggles they face, including Nikki’s battle with an eating disorder. While Alexis tries to help, she realizes that her role as Lexi is not only complicated by her own guilt but by the strain in her friendships.
The tension between Alexis and Lexi continues to build, particularly as Lexi grows resentful of Alexis’ interference in her life. An awkward moment occurs when Lexi’s brother, Justin, starts to show interest in Alexis, leading to further complications in their already fragile relationship.
As Alexis continues to navigate her role as Lexi, she struggles with feelings of guilt for not being closer to her family, especially now that her mother is still alive in this timeline.
The Thanksgiving holiday brings more conflict when Alexis must pretend to be a college friend of Lexi’s during family gatherings. Despite her efforts to blend in, Alexis feels the weight of the lies she is telling and the distance she has created from her past life.
The tension escalates as Alexis struggles to maintain the facade of being just another college student, all while dealing with the confusion surrounding her strange time travel experience. When Justin tries to kiss her, it only deepens the awkwardness between them.
As the days go on, Alexis is faced with the crushing realization that no matter how much she tries to alter the course of events, some things remain beyond her control. She spends her time trying to guide Lexi, hoping to help her make decisions that will lead to a better life, but Lexi remains distant and resistant.
Thanksgiving culminates in a family game of Scrabble, where Alexis wins for the first time, a small but bittersweet victory in a complicated emotional journey.
In the midst of these struggles, an emotional confrontation between Alexis and Lexi leads to a tragic accident. Lexi is hit by a car, and Alexis is left grappling with the consequences of her actions.
The guilt overwhelms her, as she recognizes the harm she has caused by trying to change the past. In the hospital, Alexis reflects on how her attempts to fix things have only complicated matters further.
She is forced to confront the idea that some things cannot be changed and that she must take responsibility for the mistakes she has made.
The story concludes with Alexis coming to terms with the reality of her situation. She understands that while she may not be able to undo the past, she can learn from it.
Alexis embraces her personal growth through the experience, accepting the importance of moving forward and reconciling with the choices she has made. As she prepares to return to her present time, Alexis realizes that the journey has been one of self-discovery, and although she cannot change everything, she has learned valuable lessons about forgiveness, love, and personal growth.
Characters
Alexis Spencer
Alexis Spencer is the protagonist of The Girl I Was and embarks on a transformative journey after a mysterious event transports her back to her college years. Initially presented as a successful, yet disillusioned woman dealing with the unraveling of her career and relationship, Alexis is filled with confusion and regret.
Her life is thrown into disarray when she finds herself inhabiting the body of her 18-year-old self, known as Lexi, offering her an unusual chance to change the past. Alexis is portrayed as introspective, carrying the burden of guilt from her life’s decisions.
She tries to guide her younger self toward better choices, hoping to prevent the mistakes that led her to her present dissatisfaction. However, her attempts to change Lexi’s carefree, party-loving ways are met with resistance, as Lexi remains oblivious to the consequences of her actions.
Throughout the narrative, Alexis grapples with the complexities of her relationships, especially with her younger sister, Lexi. As the story unfolds, Alexis learns to reconcile with her past, accepting that some things cannot be changed.
She comes to realize that personal growth often requires confronting painful truths and accepting responsibility for her actions.
Lexi Spencer
Lexi Spencer, Alexis’ 18-year-old self, represents a carefree, rebellious spirit that contrasts sharply with Alexis’ more seasoned and regretful perspective. Lexi is deeply entrenched in the excitement of college life, prioritizing fun and living in the moment.
She is initially oblivious to the consequences of her actions and dismisses Alexis’ attempts to intervene in her decisions. Throughout the story, Lexi is depicted as stubborn, uninterested in self-reflection, and resistant to change, which creates significant tension between the two versions of herself.
While Alexis seeks to steer her life toward a more responsible and successful future, Lexi enjoys the freedom of her youth, and her carefree nature often puts her at odds with Alexis’ more mature outlook. As Alexis pushes her to make better choices, Lexi’s resistance becomes a central point of conflict.
However, as their journey together progresses, Lexi slowly begins to understand the gravity of her decisions and starts making small changes. The dynamic between Alexis and Lexi ultimately highlights the contrast between youth’s reckless abandon and adulthood’s burden of responsibility.
Andrew
Andrew is Alexis’ long-term partner, whose relationship with her begins to unravel as Alexis faces both personal and professional challenges. When Alexis is laid off from her job, she hides her emotional turmoil from Andrew, pretending everything is fine.
However, the cracks in their relationship soon become evident. Andrew, initially planning to propose, becomes increasingly uncertain about their future together.
His decision to walk away from their relationship leaves Alexis devastated, and she is forced to confront the fragility of her romantic life. While Andrew’s role in the narrative is somewhat limited, his departure marks a significant turning point for Alexis, triggering her journey of self-reflection and growth.
His emotional withdrawal serves as a catalyst for Alexis to reevaluate not only her relationship with him but also her broader approach to life, love, and the mistakes she’s made.
Nikki
Nikki is one of Lexi’s friends and plays a supportive yet complex role in the story. She is shown to have her own struggles, particularly with an eating disorder, which she later opens up about to Alexis.
Nikki’s character is an embodiment of vulnerability and self-doubt, and her admission of her struggles deepens the bond between her and Alexis. Throughout their journey, Nikki’s interactions with Alexis highlight the often-hidden battles people face beneath the surface of their public personas.
As Alexis grows closer to her friends, Nikki’s emotional openness becomes a source of both reflection and healing for Alexis. Their friendship ultimately underscores the theme of understanding and emotional connection, helping Alexis recognize the importance of offering empathy and support to those around her.
Claire
Claire is another of Lexi’s friends who is introduced as someone with her own insecurities and aspirations. During their road trip, Claire reveals her desire to become a therapist, and Alexis encourages her to pursue that dream, highlighting Alexis’ growth as she starts to nurture meaningful relationships.
The interactions between Alexis and Claire illustrate the power of supportive friendships in helping individuals confront their fears and desires. Claire’s character also plays a pivotal role in helping Alexis see beyond her own struggles, guiding her to reflect on her own potential for growth.
As Alexis’ relationship with Claire deepens, she begins to understand the value of encouraging others to pursue their dreams, thus playing a key role in Alexis’ emotional evolution throughout the story.
Katie
Katie is the final member of Lexi’s friend group, contributing to the overall dynamic of the story. She has her own emotional complexities, particularly with anxiety, which she reveals to Alexis during their journey.
Katie’s openness about her struggles with anxiety mirrors the emotional vulnerabilities Alexis begins to confront in herself. Their growing bond highlights the importance of friendship in times of crisis, with Katie offering Alexis a different perspective on life’s challenges.
As Alexis interacts more with Katie, she gains a deeper appreciation for the ways in which anxiety and insecurity shape people’s behavior. Katie’s character, though less prominent than others, plays an important role in Alexis’ realization that everyone has their own personal struggles and that true healing comes through understanding and acceptance.
Justin
Justin, Lexi’s brother, adds an element of emotional tension to the story. His growing attraction to Alexis, while she inhabits Lexi’s body, creates a complex and uncomfortable situation.
As Justin’s feelings for Alexis become apparent, it introduces a moral dilemma, as Alexis is forced to navigate the awkwardness of the situation without revealing her true identity. The tension between Alexis and Justin escalates when he tries to kiss her, resulting in an awkward rejection.
This encounter serves to deepen Alexis’ sense of disorientation as she navigates a life that is not her own. Justin’s feelings also highlight the emotional complexities that arise when trying to fit into someone else’s life, further complicating Alexis’ journey toward understanding her past and her relationships.
Themes
Regret and the Desire for Redemption
The protagonist, Alexis, is driven by a powerful sense of regret as she navigates her time-travel experience. The opportunity to revisit her past, particularly her college years, opens a door to fix the mistakes that have led to her present unhappiness.
Her desire for redemption manifests through her efforts to influence her younger self, Lexi, in hopes of altering the course of events. This theme explores the heavy burden of regret and the emotional toll it takes on Alexis as she relives moments from her past, hoping that by changing Lexi’s choices, she can correct her own future.
What Alexis struggles with is the reality that her younger self is not yet aware of the consequences of her actions. Lexi’s carefree, impulsive nature contrasts sharply with Alexis’s experiences of disappointment and failure, creating a chasm between the two that Alexis cannot bridge.
This conflict highlights the difficulty of confronting one’s past while dealing with the overwhelming desire to make things right. Alexis’s attempts to manipulate the past by changing Lexi’s behavior underline the notion that redemption is not as simple as reversing time or rewriting the past—it requires accepting the weight of one’s mistakes and moving forward in a healthier way.
Alexis learns, albeit painfully, that redemption is not always about achieving the idealized version of the past, but rather about reconciling with one’s actions and finding the courage to embrace the future, even if it is uncertain.
Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
Throughout her time in the past, Alexis undergoes significant self-discovery. The experience of being trapped in her younger self’s life forces her to reflect deeply on her past choices and the trajectory of her life.
At the start, Alexis feels detached from the carefree attitude she sees in Lexi and resents the naïveté that led to her current circumstances. As she tries to guide Lexi, she begins to uncover aspects of her own identity she had neglected or ignored.
For example, during moments of reflection, Alexis recognizes her past emotional avoidance and her tendency to let important relationships, like the one with Andrew, deteriorate. As Alexis spends more time with Lexi, she learns to accept parts of herself that she once wished to change or control.
The strain of constantly trying to alter her younger self’s decisions teaches Alexis valuable lessons about patience and acceptance. In the end, Alexis learns that true growth comes not from trying to reshape the past, but from understanding and accepting it as part of her journey.
She realizes that her struggles and regrets are integral to who she is now, and through this acceptance, she begins to heal. This theme of self-discovery emphasizes that personal growth often comes through adversity and the willingness to confront one’s flaws rather than escape them.
Family and Relationships
The theme of family dynamics plays a crucial role in Alexis’s journey. Her time in the past gives her the rare opportunity to reconnect with her family, particularly her mother, who has passed away in her original timeline.
The warm but sometimes strained interactions with her family force Alexis to confront unresolved emotions. The Thanksgiving dinner, for instance, symbolizes the nostalgic yet uncomfortable tension Alexis feels between the past and the present.
The emotional friction with Lexi, as well as the unexpected attention from Lexi’s brother, Justin, highlights the complications that arise when Alexis steps into someone else’s life. Her presence disrupts the natural flow of events, and she grapples with feelings of guilt as she realizes the effect her actions have on her relationships.
The relationships she once took for granted, such as with her mother, now feel more significant and poignant, making her wish she had been more present in her original life. Moreover, Alexis’s strained relationship with Lexi underscores the complexity of sibling dynamics.
The constant clash between them reflects deeper unresolved issues about control, autonomy, and the desire for validation. Alexis’s struggle to take on the role of a “corrective” figure for her younger self is both a reflection of her desire to protect and guide, as well as her need to prove herself worthy of love and attention within the family.
Ultimately, Alexis learns that family relationships are not always easy to navigate, and sometimes, the best way to heal them is not by trying to fix every problem, but by accepting each person’s growth and embracing the connection they share.
The Illusion of Control
A central theme in The Girl I Was is the illusion of control, which Alexis continually battles as she tries to alter the events of her past. Initially, Alexis believes that if she can just convince Lexi to make different choices, she will be able to change her own future.
However, as she struggles to influence Lexi’s actions, Alexis begins to realize how little control she has over the course of her life, let alone Lexi’s. Her repeated failures to convince her younger self to listen to her and take responsibility reflect the futility of trying to force change where it may not be possible.
This theme plays into a larger existential question about the nature of free will and destiny. Alexis comes to the sobering realization that not everything can be controlled, and some events are simply out of her hands.
The more she tries to direct Lexi’s choices, the more she understands that both she and her younger self are bound by their respective experiences, and sometimes, mistakes are inevitable. This realization forces Alexis to confront her own limitations and the importance of accepting the uncertainty of life.
The theme emphasizes that while we often wish to control our circumstances and relationships, the true path to peace comes from acknowledging that control is often an illusion, and true growth lies in adapting to life as it unfolds.
The Struggle Between Youthful Impulsiveness and Adult Responsibility
One of the most poignant conflicts in The Girl I Was is the struggle between youthful impulsiveness and the responsibilities that come with adulthood. Lexi, as an 18-year-old college student, lives a life that is carefree and uninhibited.
She parties, enjoys her youth, and avoids thinking about the future. Alexis, now an adult who has lived through various disappointments and challenges, tries to intervene in Lexi’s choices, seeing the dangers of her carefree behavior.
This tension is a major source of conflict, as Alexis’s attempts to impose responsibility on Lexi clash with Lexi’s resistance to giving up the freedom she has. The contrast between the two reflects a universal struggle faced by many: the desire to hold on to youthful freedom while also recognizing the need to face the weight of adulthood.
Alexis’s desire to make her younger self understand the importance of planning for the future is complicated by Lexi’s reluctance to give up her carefree nature. This theme explores the emotional difficulty of growing up, where responsibilities often come at the cost of the joy and spontaneity of youth.
Through their interactions, the novel illustrates that while adulthood brings its own burdens, it also offers an opportunity for deeper connections and growth, a balance that Alexis must learn to navigate.