Totally and Completely Fine Summary, Characters and Themes
Totally and Completely Fine by Elissa Sussman is a compelling exploration of grief, love, and personal growth. Set in the small town of Cooper, Montana, it follows Lauren, a woman grieving the loss of her husband, Spencer, and her complicated relationship with her daughter, Lena.
The novel captures the delicate balance of moving forward while holding on to the past. As Lauren struggles with her emotions and navigates a budding romance with Ben, a charming stranger, she must also face the challenges of rebuilding her life while managing the complexities of family dynamics and the pain of loss.
Summary
After the death of her husband, Spencer, Lauren is left to navigate a life filled with grief and the struggle to bond with her teenage daughter, Lena. Their relationship is strained as Lena acts out, and Lauren tries to keep her emotions in check, often retreating into the small tasks of daily life to avoid facing the depth of her sorrow.
Their home in Cooper, Montana, once filled with Spencer’s warmth, now feels empty, and Lauren’s grief is only compounded by her inability to connect with Lena.
Lena, a teenager dealing with her own confusion and heartache, finds it difficult to cope with the death of her father. Her rebellious behavior creates a growing divide between her and Lauren.
She resents the changes in their lives and feels betrayed by her mother’s attempts to move forward. Lauren, on the other hand, remains hopeful that time will heal their wounds, but she is unsure of how to bridge the emotional distance between them.
The family’s situation takes a turn when Lauren’s brother, Gabe, invites her and Lena to visit him on the set of one of his movies. Gabe, a well-known actor, offers them an escape from their routine, but Lauren is hesitant, especially when he offers them first-class travel.
She feels guilty about relying on Gabe, whose fame and wealth seem to make everything easier for him. Nevertheless, Lauren agrees, and they go to visit him.
At the movie set, Lena appears uninterested and disconnected, which frustrates Lauren even more. The trip is supposed to be a break from their grief, but it only brings up more unresolved emotions.
While on set, Lauren is introduced to Ben, one of Gabe’s co-stars. Ben is charming and adventurous, and although Lauren feels conflicted because of her late husband’s memory, she finds herself drawn to him.
Their flirtation grows, and Lauren begins to question her feelings of guilt about moving on from Spencer.
Despite her reservations, Lauren finds herself spending more time with Ben. Their chemistry is undeniable, and they share a passionate kiss, but Lauren is still unsure about taking their relationship further.
She hesitates, remembering Spencer and the life they shared together. Ben, however, remains patient and understanding, giving her the space she needs.
At the same time, Lena struggles with her own identity and the pressures of growing up. She is beginning to question her sexuality and feels trapped in a small town where she fears judgment.
Lena’s relationship with her mother becomes even more strained when she breaks up with her girlfriend, Eve, after deciding that she cannot be open about her sexuality in such a small, conservative community. This adds to the emotional turmoil in the family, and Lauren finds herself torn between her daughter’s needs and her own desire to move on from her grief.
Gabe, though supportive, is also dealing with his own personal struggles. His career in Hollywood is not as fulfilling as it once seemed, and his dissatisfaction leads to a complicated relationship with Lauren and Spencer.
Gabe’s drinking problem and strained relationship with Lena add more tension to the already fragile family dynamics. Despite his generosity, offering to pay off mortgages and set up a college fund for Lena, Gabe’s actions only seem to deepen the emotional distance between him and the rest of the family.
As Lauren tries to move on from Spencer’s death, she becomes more involved with Ben. Their relationship continues to develop, but Lauren is constantly reminded of the life she had with Spencer.
She struggles with the idea of starting over and is hesitant to fully open her heart to Ben. Despite these reservations, their connection grows stronger, and Lauren begins to let go of her fears about moving on.
Meanwhile, Gabe faces a turning point in his career when he is offered the role of James Bond. This potential role would take him away from Cooper for several years, forcing him to confront his own desires and the growing tension in his relationships.
However, Ben decides to stay in Cooper with Lauren, turning down a career-making role in order to be with her. This decision marks a shift in their relationship, as Lauren finally allows herself to embrace her feelings for him fully.
The relationship between Lena and Lauren continues to be strained. Lena expresses her anger and frustration in a moment of intense emotion, telling her mother that she wishes it had been Lauren who had died instead of Spencer.
This heart-wrenching moment forces Lauren to confront the deep pain that both she and Lena are feeling. Yet, over time, Lena begins to understand her own identity and comes to terms with her feelings.
Lauren and Ben’s relationship reaches a new level as they navigate the complexities of their emotions. Ben stays in Cooper, takes a new job at a local theatre, and begins to build a life with Lauren.
They work through their pasts and find new hope in their future together. In the end, Lauren learns that she can love again, even as she continues to miss Spencer.
She finally finds peace with her grief, realizing that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting the past.
The story closes with a sense of healing and growth. Lena, though still struggling with her own emotional turmoil, begins to accept her identity and find a way to heal.
Lauren, who has long feared that she would never move on from Spencer, opens her heart to Ben, knowing that while she will always carry the memories of her late husband, she is capable of loving again. Their story, filled with moments of sorrow, love, and healing, ultimately shows that even the deepest wounds can begin to heal with time, patience, and the support of those we love.
Characters
Lauren
Lauren is the central character in Totally and Completely Fine, navigating the complexities of life in the aftermath of her husband Spencer’s death. As a widow and mother to her teenage daughter Lena, Lauren is caught between her grief and the need to find a new sense of normalcy.
Her character is marked by a deep internal conflict—she is drawn to Ben, a man she meets after Spencer’s death, yet she constantly wrestles with feelings of guilt for even contemplating moving on. Her relationship with Lena is strained, with both mother and daughter struggling to communicate their grief and emotions.
Lauren often distracts herself with small, daily tasks, like making pizza, in an effort to maintain normalcy. Despite her challenges, she is resilient and, over time, begins to open her heart to the possibility of new beginnings, learning to embrace love and happiness again, even as she continues to hold onto Spencer’s memory.
Lena
Lena, Lauren’s daughter, is a teenager dealing with her own grief and confusion after the death of her father, Spencer. Her relationship with her mother is tense, especially as they both struggle to navigate the emotional aftermath of Spencer’s passing.
Lena is rebellious, often lashing out in anger and frustration, particularly when it comes to her mother’s attempts to move forward. Her emotional turmoil is further compounded by her own struggle with her identity, particularly when it comes to her sexuality.
She is torn between keeping her relationship with her girlfriend Eve a secret and the desire to be open about her feelings, but she fears the judgment she might face in their small town. Lena’s journey is one of self-discovery, as she learns to accept her identity and begins to heal from the trauma of her father’s death, reconciling with her emotions in a complex but necessary process.
Gabe
Gabe, Lauren’s brother, is a well-known actor who has made a name for himself in Hollywood. His fame, wealth, and lifestyle serve as both a source of pride and tension within the family.
Though financially successful, Gabe struggles with a deep sense of dissatisfaction in his career and life. His relationship with Lauren and Lena is fraught with guilt and frustration, particularly as he feels he is not doing enough to help them in the wake of Spencer’s death.
Gabe’s alcoholism further complicates matters, creating a distance between him and his family. Despite this, his love for his niece and sister is clear, and he tries to offer them financial support, though this is often received with mixed feelings.
Gabe’s vulnerability, especially in regard to his strained family dynamics and career, makes him a complex character who is searching for meaning beyond his fame.
Ben
Ben is an actor who becomes a significant part of Lauren’s life after Spencer’s death. He is charismatic, adventurous, and exudes a magnetic energy that draws people in.
His extreme stories about his daring adventures, like shark cage diving and skydiving, contrast with the more grounded and introspective life that Lauren leads. Ben represents a potential new beginning for Lauren, but his own struggles with his identity and career present a complication in their budding romance.
Though initially hesitant due to her grief, Lauren is undeniably attracted to him, and their chemistry deepens over time. Ben’s willingness to stay in Cooper after being offered a major role abroad signifies his commitment to his relationship with Lauren, illustrating his desire for stability and a future with her.
His journey of self-discovery and acceptance mirrors Lauren’s, as both grapple with moving on from the past while trying to embrace the possibilities of the future.
Spencer
Spencer, though deceased by the time the story unfolds, plays a significant role in the lives of Lauren and Lena. His death has left an indelible mark on both, with each character grappling with their grief in different ways.
Spencer’s relationship with Lauren was built over time, starting with a seemingly annoying friendship that eventually grew into a deep bond. His death leaves a void, especially for Lauren, who finds herself struggling with both the loss of her husband and the pressure of being a single mother.
For Lena, Spencer’s death is a source of immense pain, as she is unable to reconcile the loss of her father with the demands of her emotional growth. His memory, especially through small acts like making pizza dough, becomes a symbol of the past that Lena and Lauren are both reluctant to let go of.
Spencer’s presence is felt throughout the novel as the characters attempt to navigate their healing while carrying the weight of his loss.
Jessica
Jessica is the protagonist’s friend who plays a secondary role in the story. She represents a contrasting figure to the protagonist, especially as her moral compass shifts throughout the narrative.
Initially, Jessica and the protagonist share a carefree, rebellious bond, getting high and drifting through their summer days. However, as the story progresses, Jessica begins to embrace a more structured, “moral” lifestyle, which creates a rift between the two.
This shift in Jessica’s behavior highlights the protagonist’s growing sense of isolation and her struggle to navigate her own identity in the context of shifting friendships. Jessica’s decision to go to church, abandoning some of the more carefree aspects of their friendship, marks a significant turning point in their relationship, further pushing the protagonist into a space of self-reflection and personal growth.
Allyson
Allyson is a minor yet important character who serves as a sounding board for the protagonist as she grapples with her emotional struggles. Through their conversations, the protagonist reflects on her internal conflicts, especially regarding her relationships and feelings of loneliness.
Allyson represents a more grounded perspective, helping the protagonist process her feelings of isolation and confusion. As a friend, Allyson provides a sense of stability and clarity, though she is not as central to the protagonist’s personal journey as others.
Allyson’s role underscores the theme of finding solace in the company of others, even when the protagonist feels disconnected from her past and unsure about her future.
Chani
Chani, Gabe’s girlfriend, plays a key role in the dynamics between Gabe and Lena. She represents a new chapter in Gabe’s life and is a source of tension in his relationship with Lena, who remains distant from her.
Chani’s presence highlights Gabe’s growing desire to move forward in his personal life, though his strained relationship with Lena complicates this. Chani’s interactions with Gabe provide a backdrop to his internal struggles and his efforts to reconnect with his family.
Though not a major character, Chani’s influence is felt through her impact on Gabe and the dynamics within the family.
Themes
Grief and the Struggle to Move On
In Totally and Completely Fine, grief plays a central role in the emotional lives of the characters, particularly Lauren. She struggles with the death of her husband, Spencer, and the profound effect it has on her daily existence.
For Lauren, grief is not a singular experience but something that seeps into all aspects of her life. She attempts to maintain normalcy, often engaging in mundane tasks like making pizza or organizing her day, as a way to numb the deeper emotional pain.
This coping mechanism highlights the difficulty of confronting loss directly and the ways in which individuals can become trapped in their own routines to avoid confronting their emotions. Lauren’s grief also affects her relationship with her daughter, Lena, who is similarly processing her own feelings of loss but in a more outwardly rebellious way.
The tension between them reflects how grief can create a distance even between loved ones who are undergoing the same experience. The theme of grief is compounded by Lauren’s guilt and internal conflict over the possibility of moving on.
Her attraction to Ben and the flirtation that develops between them makes her question her loyalty to Spencer’s memory. This dilemma illustrates the complex nature of grief, where one is torn between holding onto the past and the desire to forge new emotional connections in the present.
Family Dynamics and Unresolved Tensions
Family relationships in Totally and Completely Fine are rife with tension, miscommunication, and unspoken emotional struggles. The relationship between Lauren and Lena is strained due to their grief, but it is also complicated by generational and identity differences.
Lena, as a teenager, is dealing with her own feelings of loss while also trying to navigate the challenges of her burgeoning identity, including her queerness. This creates friction with her mother, who, despite her best efforts, cannot fully understand or relate to what Lena is going through.
The rift between them is amplified by the emotional chaos that follows Spencer’s death. Similarly, Lauren’s relationship with her brother Gabe is marked by unresolved issues and tensions.
Gabe’s career in Hollywood and his increasing reliance on alcohol strain their connection. His attempts to connect with Lena and help her deal with her grief are hindered by his own personal shortcomings.
This dysfunction in their family dynamic reveals how grief, addiction, and personal insecurities can create emotional walls between family members, even when they are all experiencing similar struggles. As the story progresses, the family must navigate these complicated emotions, with each character trying to find a way to heal while also coming to terms with their individual roles in the family’s collective pain.
The Complexity of Love and Relationships
The theme of love and its complexities is woven throughout Totally and Completely Fine, especially through the evolving relationship between Lauren and Ben. At first, their connection is driven by physical attraction, a fleeting escape from the grief that defines much of Lauren’s life.
However, as the story unfolds, this attraction deepens into something more meaningful. Lauren is caught in a conflict between her guilt over moving on too soon after Spencer’s death and her growing feelings for Ben.
Her hesitation stems from her loyalty to her late husband and the fear that embracing a new romantic connection would somehow betray Spencer’s memory. This internal conflict illustrates the complicated nature of love after loss, where feelings of guilt, fear, and desire coexist.
Ben, on the other hand, offers Lauren something she had not realized she needed: an opportunity to live in the present, to experience life and love without the shadow of her grief constantly looming over her. However, the relationship is not without its complications, as Ben’s own past struggles with his identity and career add another layer of tension.
The story also explores how love is not always neat and tidy, especially in the context of a family that is struggling with its own issues. The narrative shows that love, in its many forms, can be a source of healing, but it also requires vulnerability and the willingness to move forward, even when the past remains present in the background.
Identity and Self-Discovery
In Totally and Completely Fine, the theme of identity and self-discovery is most apparent through Lena’s journey. As she grapples with her grief, Lena also faces the challenges of her own identity, particularly her queerness.
She feels the weight of societal expectations and the pressure to conform, especially in a small town like Cooper, where acceptance can be hard to come by. Her struggles are compounded by her complicated relationship with her mother, as Lena feels misunderstood and isolated.
The tension between Lena’s desire to live authentically and the fear of judgment creates a poignant narrative about the difficulty of coming to terms with one’s true self, particularly in an environment that may not be entirely supportive. Lena’s journey is also one of self-acceptance, as she must learn to navigate the complex terrain of grief, love, and identity.
This process is mirrored in the shifting dynamics of her relationship with her mother, Lauren, as they both try to make sense of who they are in a world that has irrevocably changed. The theme of self-discovery is also explored through Ben’s experiences, particularly with his own journey of coming out.
His story provides a counterpoint to Lena’s, as both characters struggle to reconcile their desires with the external pressures they face. In this way, the novel emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s identity and finding the courage to live authentically, even in the face of adversity.
Moving Forward and the Possibility of New Beginnings
The theme of moving forward and the possibility of new beginnings is a key component of Totally and Completely Fine. After Spencer’s death, Lauren finds herself in a liminal space between the past and the future.
She is unsure whether she can ever truly move on, especially when she is still haunted by memories of her late husband. However, as the story progresses, Lauren begins to realize that moving forward does not mean forgetting Spencer; instead, it means learning how to live in a way that honors both the past and the future.
Her evolving relationship with Ben, while complicated by guilt and fear, offers her a glimpse of the possibility of love and happiness beyond her grief. This theme is also explored through Lena’s journey as she learns to embrace her identity and navigate the complexities of growing up.
Lena’s emotional growth mirrors that of her mother, as both women come to understand that moving forward requires the courage to face their fears and let go of the past. The novel suggests that new beginnings are not always easy, and they may be fraught with uncertainty and discomfort.
However, the possibility of growth and healing is always present, provided one is willing to take the first step. The conclusion of the story, where both Lauren and Lena find a sense of peace and acceptance, offers a hopeful perspective on the power of resilience and the capacity for new beginnings, even after profound loss.