What It’s Like in Words Summary, Characters and Themes

What It’s Like in Words by Eliza Moss is an exploration of self-discovery, emotional abuse, and the power of creative expression. 

The novel follows Enola, a young writer in London, as she navigates the wreckage of a toxic relationship with her manipulative ex-boyfriend. With themes of friendship, personal growth, and reclaiming one’s identity, the book delves deep into Enola’s struggles to rebuild her life and rediscover her passion for writing. Moss portrays the complexity of trauma, the slow unraveling of self-worth, and the eventual healing that comes through confronting the past and embracing new beginnings.

Summary

Enola, a young writer living in London, finds herself ensnared in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship with an ex-boyfriend who initially seemed charming and intriguing. 

The novel opens with Enola alone in her flat, surrounded by remnants of their broken relationship. Her sense of disorientation sets the stage for the fragmented, nonlinear narrative that weaves together past and present moments of her life, as she tries to make sense of her pain, her writing, and her identity.

The story begins with Enola meeting her ex at a local writer’s group. He’s bold, witty, and outspoken, offering a fresh perspective on life. Their connection is instant, but subtle red flags begin to emerge early on. 

Enola’s ex is dismissive of her work, belittling her achievements and occasionally making cruel remarks. Despite these warning signs, Enola is drawn to him, seeing his behavior as an intriguing part of his personality rather than a red flag. Her best friend, Ruth, warns her about the relationship, but Enola brushes off her concerns.

As the relationship deepens, Enola begins compromising herself. Her ex manipulates her emotions, making her doubt her own memories and self-worth. She becomes isolated from her friends, especially Ruth, who watches helplessly as Enola’s personality is gradually eroded. 

Enola’s writing also suffers—once a source of joy and self-expression, her creativity dwindles under the pressure of her emotional turmoil.

Her ex’s behavior becomes increasingly controlling, gaslighting her and making her feel paranoid and guilty for having her own opinions. 

This toxic dynamic pushes Enola to the brink, though she continues to deny the severity of the situation. She is caught in a cycle of self-doubt and guilt, unable to break free from the manipulative grip of her ex.

The emotional and physical abuse reaches a breaking point when Enola experiences a humiliating public confrontation with him. 

He grabs her wrist too forcefully, and his domineering presence leaves her feeling unsafe. It’s in this moment that she realizes the extent of the damage this relationship has done to her. 

However, breaking up with him proves difficult. He apologizes, lures her back with promises of change, and manipulates her into questioning whether she is overreacting.

Finally, after a devastating fight, Enola reaches her true breaking point. She walks away, refusing to look back. But the aftermath is far from simple. 

Enola struggles with loneliness, confusion, and the deep emotional scars left behind by the relationship. She reconnects with Ruth, who has remained steadfast despite their distance, and begins to process the emotional wounds. 

Through heartfelt conversations with Ruth and others, Enola starts to rebuild her sense of self.

As part of her healing process, Enola returns to her writing. She channels the pain and confusion into her work, using it as a means of catharsis. Despite her fear of losing her voice, Enola starts writing again, finding strength in the creative process. She recognizes that her ex’s reach no longer extends into her life, and she no longer needs his validation to feel whole.

In the final chapters, Enola is confronted with the choice of whether or not to reconnect with her ex when he reaches out.

Despite the pull of nostalgia and unresolved emotions, Enola chooses not to respond. She realizes that closure doesn’t come from an apology but from her own ability to move forward. The novel ends with Enola walking through London, feeling a sense of freedom and hope for the future. 

She has reclaimed her identity, rediscovered her voice, and is ready to embrace a new chapter in her life.

Through Enola’s journey, What It’s Like in Words explores themes of emotional manipulation, the importance of friendship, and the healing power of creativity. Moss’s lyrical prose captures the complex, nonlinear nature of recovery, showing that growth is possible even in the aftermath of a toxic relationship.

Characters

Enola

Enola begins the novel as a young writer struggling to reconcile her identity, career, and the emotional turmoil of a toxic relationship. She is disoriented by the impact of her ex-boyfriend’s manipulation, unsure of who she is and where she fits in the world.

Her relationship with him causes her to lose sight of her individuality, and over time, her creative energy dissipates as she isolates herself from the people who care about her. The novel showcases her slow but steady realization of her worth and her need to reclaim her autonomy.

As she confronts the emotional scars left by the relationship, Enola makes a conscious decision to rebuild her life, restore her friendships, and rediscover her voice as a writer. By the end of the novel, Enola emerges as a confident, independent woman who has come to terms with her past and no longer allows her ex or her past experiences to define her.

Ruth

Ruth is Enola’s steadfast friend and the one person who consistently calls her out on her unhealthy relationship. Their deep-rooted friendship has survived many challenges, but Enola’s relationship with her ex threatens to strain their bond.

Ruth is the voice of reason, pointing out Enola’s behavior and how her relationship is damaging her in ways she may not realize. Although she is hurt by Enola’s distancing, Ruth doesn’t give up on her.

When Enola finally breaks free from her ex, Ruth is there to support her in rebuilding her life and their friendship. Their relationship becomes even stronger after Enola’s recovery, as Ruth becomes both a source of comfort and a reminder of the life Enola had before her toxic relationship.

Ruth’s unwavering loyalty provides Enola with the strength to move forward, and by the end of the book, their friendship is restored and stronger than ever.

Amy 

Amy serves as both a critic and a catalyst for Enola’s growth throughout the novel. Her blunt, no-nonsense attitude challenges Enola to confront the reality of her relationship in a way that others do not.

While her criticism may be harsh at times, it is also necessary and eventually helps Enola see how much of herself she has lost in her pursuit of a relationship that was ultimately unhealthy.

Amy’s perspective, though tough, is grounded in a deeper understanding of self-respect and independence, and she pushes Enola to take a hard look at herself and her choices.

By the end of the novel, Amy’s earlier criticisms are acknowledged as a necessary wake-up call that helped Enola understand the value of her own worth and the importance of surrounding herself with people who genuinely care for her.

Virinder

Virinder plays a relatively minor role in the book, yet his presence is significant in Enola’s emotional journey. He offers a quiet and dependable form of support during some of Enola’s most trying moments.

He does not push her to confront her feelings or make any dramatic interventions but rather listens to her when she needs someone to talk to. His perspective provides a contrast to the toxic dynamics Enola experiences with her ex, and his support acts as a quiet reminder of the kindness and stability that still exists in her life.

Though he does not have a major role in shaping her decisions, Virinder’s steady nature offers Enola moments of clarity and reflection, helping her take tentative steps toward healing.

Mat 

Mat’s role in the novel is primarily that of a catalyst. He is the one who introduces Enola to her ex, unknowingly setting in motion the toxic cycle that will follow.

While he is not a significant character in the narrative, his presence becomes a symbol of how easily relationships and dynamics can shift with small, seemingly innocuous decisions. He represents the well-meaning yet misguided individuals who may unintentionally play a part in enabling unhealthy situations.

His presence in the story serves as a reminder that even the smallest actions can have long-lasting consequences, whether positive or negative.

Enola’s Mother 

Enola’s relationship with her mother is one of emotional distance and unresolved issues. Her mother’s absence for much of Enola’s life has left a lasting impact, shaping Enola’s fears and beliefs around love, trust, and abandonment.

Though her mother’s role is not central in the narrative, her influence lingers in the background, especially as Enola grapples with her own feelings of worthiness and self-acceptance. The conversations Enola has with her mother towards the end of the novel provide a new perspective on her fears and allow Enola to confront some of the lingering emotional baggage that has affected her ability to trust and heal.

By the end of the story, Enola’s relationship with her mother remains complicated, but it marks a step in her emotional healing and reconciliation with her past.

Themes

The Subtle Yet Devastating Nature of Emotional Manipulation in Toxic Relationships

At the heart of What It’s Like in Words lies the intricate exploration of emotional manipulation and how it operates within toxic relationships. The protagonist, Enola, gradually becomes entangled in a relationship that seems thrilling at first but is slowly revealed to be emotionally abusive.

The manipulative behaviors are not immediately obvious; they start as charming gestures and light criticisms, but over time, they evolve into gaslighting, isolation, and control. Enola begins questioning her own memories and perception of events, which undermines her self-confidence and sense of identity.

This subtle manipulation makes her feel trapped, leading her to question whether she is overreacting or if her feelings are truly justified. Through Enola’s experience, Moss illustrates how toxic relationships can disguise themselves as passionate love, only to leave the victim emotionally bruised and uncertain of their own reality.

The Painful Yet Essential Journey of Self-Discovery and Identity Reclamation

The theme of reclaiming one’s identity after a traumatic relationship is one of the most powerful aspects of the novel. Enola’s journey is not just about leaving her ex, but about rediscovering who she is outside the confines of his influence.

Throughout the book, Enola grapples with feelings of self-doubt and confusion, questioning her own worth and what she deserves in relationships. The toxic dynamic with her ex leads her to lose touch with her creative self and her passion for writing.

However, as the story progresses, she begins to piece together the fragments of her former identity, regaining a sense of autonomy. This process is neither quick nor linear, and Enola finds herself oscillating between moments of clarity and self-doubt.

Ultimately, the book shows that true healing comes when she learns to trust her own instincts, release the grip of the past, and reclaim her voice—both in her personal life and in her writing.

The Unpredictable and Often Overlooked Role of Friendship in Overcoming Trauma

Another critical theme in What It’s Like in Words is the transformative power of friendship, especially in the face of deep emotional trauma. Throughout the novel, Ruth, Enola’s childhood friend, acts as a voice of reason and support.

Yet, as Enola becomes consumed by her toxic relationship, she distances herself from Ruth, leading to a strain in their bond. Ruth’s attempts to intervene and call out Enola’s behavior highlight the complex dynamics of supporting a friend who is caught in an unhealthy situation.

Despite their tension, Ruth remains a constant in Enola’s life, helping her regain perspective and slowly rebuilding their friendship after the breakup. Ruth’s role in the novel underscores the importance of external support in healing, showing that the process of overcoming trauma is often facilitated by the patience, love, and understanding of those who refuse to let us fall into isolation.

The Complex Interplay of Creativity, Identity, and Love in Rebuilding One’s Life

In What It’s Like in Words, Enola’s relationship with writing becomes a metaphor for her relationship with herself. As she loses herself in her toxic relationship, her creativity—once a defining aspect of her life—also withers.

Writing becomes something she can no longer access, as her ex’s influence smothers her creative spirit. This thematic thread explores how closely tied identity and creative expression are; when Enola feels emotionally drained and controlled, she loses the ability to write authentically.

Reclaiming her identity is intricately linked to reclaiming her creativity. The novel shows that in order to find herself again, Enola must reconnect with her passion for writing, using it as a means of catharsis and personal growth.

The act of writing serves as a healing process, a way for Enola to articulate her pain and reconstruct her sense of self, ultimately leading to her creative rebirth.

The Lingering Shadows of the Past and the Gradual Process of Letting Go

A pervasive theme throughout the novel is the challenge of moving on from the past. Even after Enola breaks up with her toxic ex, she continues to be haunted by memories of their time together.

The objects in her apartment, the places they visited, and the shared experiences all serve as constant reminders of a life she is trying to leave behind. The story illustrates how healing is not a clear-cut process but a messy, nonlinear journey where the past continues to hold weight.

Enola’s struggle to let go is reflective of the internal conflict many people face after leaving a damaging relationship. It is not just about severing ties but also about emotionally detaching and accepting that closure does not always come in the form of a final confrontation.

Enola ultimately learns that letting go involves recognizing that the past no longer defines her, and that true freedom comes from choosing to move forward despite its lingering presence.

The Rebuilding of Trust in Self and Others After a Betrayal of Love

Trust, particularly in love and relationships, is shattered for Enola through her experience with her ex. Initially, she believes in the promises of love and security that her ex offers, only to find herself manipulated, betrayed, and isolated.

After the breakup, Enola faces the daunting task of learning to trust herself again and, by extension, others. Her journey towards self-acceptance is intertwined with learning to trust her own judgments and feelings.

Additionally, the book touches on how trust in romantic relationships can be difficult to rebuild, both with others and with oneself. As Enola gradually opens herself up to her friends and potential new relationships, she is cautious and tentative, unsure whether she is capable of trusting someone again.

Ultimately, the novel suggests that rebuilding trust is not about erasing the past but accepting its influence and choosing to move forward with a deeper understanding of one’s boundaries and needs.

The Unspoken Burdens of Family Expectations and Love’s Intergenerational Impact

Enola’s complicated relationship with her parents also plays a significant role in shaping her understanding of love, identity, and independence. The absence of her mother in particular leaves Enola with unresolved feelings of abandonment and insecurity.

These feelings manifest in her adult relationships, where she often struggles with attachment and self-worth. Through the subtle interactions and conversations Enola has with her parents, Moss sheds light on how family dynamics can shape one’s perceptions of love and self-identity.

The novel suggests that healing from emotional trauma often requires understanding these familial patterns and breaking free from expectations placed upon us by our upbringing. Enola’s interactions with her family reveal that, in order to move forward, she must confront her past and redefine her concept of love and belonging—one that is not constrained by the shadows of her childhood experiences.

Accepting the Past Without Letting It Define the Future

The theme of closure is integral to the narrative of What It’s Like in Words. Enola’s journey is, in part, about finding closure not through an external apology or confrontation, but through internal resolution.

Her ex reaches out to her after the breakup, but Enola realizes that the closure she seeks cannot come from him—it must come from within herself. The story explores how closure is not a one-time event or conversation but a gradual process of self-acceptance and healing.

Enola’s ability to let go of the past and reclaim her life is her final act of closure. By writing a letter to her ex—one she never sends—she symbolically closes the chapter on that part of her life, allowing herself to move forward without needing validation from him.

This process of self-driven closure is a powerful reminder that true healing often comes when we stop looking for closure from others and instead find it within ourselves.