Same As It Ever Was Summary, Characters and Themes
Same as It Ever Was, published in 2024, by Claire Lombardo is a contemplative exploration of life, love, and identity centered around Julia Ames, a woman navigating the intricate demands of marriage and motherhood in contemporary Chicago.
The novel examines the deep emotional currents that run beneath the surface of Julia’s seemingly ordinary life, using shifting timelines to reveal the weight of her choices and experiences. Through the ups and downs of family life, strained relationships, and personal discovery, Julia’s journey serves as a poignant reflection on how our pasts shape who we become, even as we grapple with ever-changing futures.
Summary
Julia Ames is at a point in her life where her children are grown, and she’s left reflecting on the path she took to get here.
Raised in Chicago, Julia had a turbulent childhood, shaped by her mother Anita’s sharp tongue and struggles with alcoholism. Her father, Lawrence, left the family when she was just eight years old, abandoning them without a backward glance.
Although he stayed nearby, Julia never saw him again, and it wasn’t until much later that she learned her mother had concealed his death from her for years. Feeling isolated, Julia sought refuge in school, where she excelled academically and earned a scholarship to an elite high school.
However, her time there was marked by a deep sense of alienation, as she felt out of place among her wealthier peers. Things reached a breaking point when, during a particularly vulnerable time in her life, Anita’s boyfriend exploited Julia’s emotions, and the two began an affair. When Anita discovered this, she cast the blame squarely on Julia’s shoulders.
Fleeing her strained relationship with her mother, Julia left for Kansas State University. She didn’t stay long, abandoning her studies and returning to the Chicago area to work a string of part-time jobs.
It was during this time that she met Mark, a researcher at the University of Chicago, and after a chance encounter involving a parking meter, they began a relationship that eventually led to marriage. Not long after, Julia became pregnant with their first child, Ben, and decided to dedicate herself to raising him full-time.
As time passed, however, Julia began to feel stifled by the demands of motherhood and the stagnant routine of her life with Mark. A chance meeting with Helen Russo, an older woman she met while seeking solace at the botanical gardens, offered her emotional support.
But Helen’s absence during the winter months led to an affair between Julia and Helen’s much younger son, Nathaniel. Julia came close to leaving Mark, but ultimately chose to stay and repair her marriage, which they attempted to do by having a second child, Alma.
Two decades later, as Julia navigates her son Ben’s engagement to his pregnant girlfriend Sunny and her daughter Alma’s departure for college, she’s forced to confront her past choices once more.
Running into Helen at the grocery store brings a wave of memories, reminding her of the paths she nearly took. At Ben’s wedding, Julia reaches out to her estranged mother, Anita, leading to a tentative reconciliation.
Though life moves forward, it is marked by bittersweet moments.
Mark’s sudden death two years after the wedding leaves a void in Julia’s life that she struggles to fill, but the memories of the family dancing together at the wedding reception remain etched in her heart forever.
Characters
Julia Ames
Julia is the central character of Same as It Ever Was, and the novel traces her journey from childhood through motherhood and beyond, delving deep into her internal conflicts and desires. Growing up in Chicago, Julia’s childhood is marked by the absence of her father and the instability of her relationship with her mother, Anita, who is battling alcoholism.
The trauma of her father’s abandonment and the emotional neglect from Anita shapes Julia’s complex sense of self and influences many of her decisions later in life. Her affair with Anita’s boyfriend during her vulnerable teenage years further damages their relationship, creating a chasm that defines much of Julia’s adult identity.
After leaving college without completing her degree, Julia returns to Chicago, where she lives a disjointed life until she meets Mark, who brings some semblance of stability. As a mother, Julia faces the familiar struggle of trying to be more present and attentive to her children than her mother was with her.
Motherhood, however, brings a sense of isolation and personal dissatisfaction, which ultimately leads to her affair with Nathaniel. This affair highlights Julia’s deep-seated desire for escape, for a different life that she can never fully pursue.
As she ages and her children grow up, Julia is forced to confront the decisions she has made, both good and bad. She is reflective, especially in the later stages of the novel, when her son Ben’s impending marriage and the departure of her daughter, Alma, push her into an existential reckoning.
Her journey is one of self-discovery, where she seeks to reconcile her personal identity as a woman with her roles as wife and mother.
Mark
Mark is Julia’s husband, a scientific researcher at the University of Chicago. He is portrayed as a stabilizing figure in Julia’s life, but their relationship stagnates after the birth of their first child.
Mark’s character reflects the quiet endurance often present in long-term marriages, as he absorbs the shocks of Julia’s discontent and infidelity without dramatic confrontation. His reserved nature suggests a man focused on his work, and perhaps emotionally distant, which may have contributed to Julia’s feelings of isolation.
However, he remains a loyal partner, willing to forgive Julia after her affair and even agreeing to have another child in an attempt to repair their marriage. His sudden death from an aortic aneurysm two years after Ben’s wedding serves as a tragic coda to their relationship, leaving Julia with a deep sense of loss.
Anita Ames
Anita is Julia’s mother, and her character represents one of the primary sources of tension in Julia’s life. She is depicted as a bitter, acerbic woman who struggles with alcohol addiction, and her neglectful parenting profoundly affects Julia.
Anita’s character is defined by her inability to maintain emotional closeness with Julia, likely stemming from her own unresolved pain and disappointments. Her decision to hide Lawrence’s death from Julia for four years symbolizes the deep communication breakdown between mother and daughter, further poisoning their already strained relationship.
After her affair with Anita’s boyfriend, Julia’s relationship with Anita becomes almost irreparable, and she spends most of her adult life disconnected from her mother. However, in the later part of the novel, there is a tentative reconciliation between them, especially as Anita enters a new phase in her life, married to Marshall and having formed relationships with his daughters.
This new dynamic offers Julia a glimpse of a different side of her mother, suggesting the possibility of healing, albeit late in life.
Lawrence
Though Lawrence, Julia’s father, only appears through Julia’s memories, his abandonment of the family when Julia is eight years old plays a significant role in her emotional development. His departure is a defining moment in Julia’s childhood, contributing to her feelings of rejection and insecurity.
Lawrence’s failure to remain a part of Julia’s life—despite living only a short distance away—serves as a painful reminder of her father’s disinterest. His absence is made even more hurtful by Anita’s decision to hide his death from Julia for several years, compounding Julia’s feelings of betrayal.
While Lawrence’s character is peripheral, his actions have a lasting impact on Julia’s relationships, particularly her view of men and commitment.
Nathaniel Russo
Nathaniel is the 24-year-old son of Helen Russo, with whom Julia has an affair during a period of personal turmoil. Nathaniel represents a momentary escape for Julia, a chance to indulge in a fantasy of youth and freedom that contrasts sharply with her life as a tired and dissatisfied mother.
His age and vitality appeal to Julia, but their brief relationship highlights Julia’s internal crisis more than it reflects any true emotional connection between the two. Nathaniel’s character is important in the sense that he triggers a turning point in Julia’s life, forcing her to reevaluate her marriage and her commitment to her family.
Though their relationship is short-lived, it serves as a catalyst for Julia’s eventual decision to stay with Mark and work on her marriage.
Ben Ames
Ben, Julia and Mark’s first child, plays a central role in Julia’s later life as his unexpected marriage and impending fatherhood propel Julia into reflection. As a young adult, Ben seems level-headed and responsible, though his sudden decision to marry his pregnant girlfriend, Sunny, shocks Julia.
Ben’s character provides a counterpoint to Julia’s own experiences as a young parent; while Julia faced her struggles with a sense of resentment and frustration, Ben seems more accepting of the life changes coming his way. His relationship with Sunny mirrors aspects of Julia’s early relationship with Mark, but Julia is determined to be a more supportive mother-in-law than Anita was.
Ben’s maturity and calmness contrast with the turbulence of Julia’s emotional life, and his presence serves as a grounding force for her as she approaches the next phase of her life.
Alma Ames
Alma, Julia and Mark’s daughter, is a quieter presence in the novel but plays an essential role in Julia’s evolution as a mother. Alma’s preparations to leave for college at Herzog College symbolize Julia’s looming “empty nest” and force Julia to confront her identity outside of being a mother.
Alma’s character is not as developed as some of the other figures in the novel, but her departure from home signifies a crucial transition point for Julia. Julia’s relationship with Alma seems less fraught with tension than her relationship with Ben or with her own mother, Anita, indicating that Julia may have succeeded in breaking some of the generational patterns of dysfunction.
However, Alma’s distance—both physical and emotional—also pushes Julia into an introspective period as she faces her life without the immediate demands of motherhood.
Helen Russo
Helen Russo is a volunteer at the botanical gardens who befriends Julia at a particularly low point in her life. As a woman 20 years older than Julia, Helen offers a form of mentorship and emotional support that Julia desperately needs.
Helen’s presence in Julia’s life is short-lived but impactful, as she helps Julia see that she is not alone in her struggles. Helen’s departure to Florida creates a gap that Nathaniel, her son, temporarily fills, leading to Julia’s affair with him.
Helen reappears later in the novel, prompting Julia to reflect on the choices she has made. Their interaction just before Ben’s wedding, when Julia gives Helen flowers, represents a quiet moment of reconciliation between the two women and suggests that Julia is still searching for guidance, even as she matures.
Sunny
Sunny is Ben’s girlfriend and later wife, and her character plays an important role in Julia’s later life. Like Julia, Sunny comes from a background where she faces criticism and pressure from her family for her decisions, particularly her decision to marry Ben while pregnant.
Julia sees a reflection of her younger self in Sunny and becomes determined to support her in ways that she wishes she had been supported. Sunny’s character is not deeply developed, but her presence serves as a mirror for Julia’s past and as a reminder of the challenges of early motherhood.
In supporting Sunny, Julia finds a form of redemption and a chance to break the cycle of maternal neglect that has defined her own family history.
Themes
The Complex Interplay Between Personal Identity and Familial Roles
In Same as It Ever Was, Claire Lombardo delves deeply into the theme of personal identity, particularly the tension between self-fulfillment and the roles that society and family impose on individuals. Julia’s journey is framed by her attempts to reconcile her sense of self with the roles she occupies as a daughter, wife, and mother.
From an early age, Julia’s identity is shaped by her challenging upbringing—her father’s abandonment and her mother’s addiction complicate her sense of belonging and stability. As she grows older and becomes a mother herself, she struggles to define herself outside the confines of her responsibilities to her children and husband.
The novel paints a nuanced portrait of how familial obligations often force women to suppress or sideline their own desires and ambitions. Julia’s internal conflict, intensified by her affair with Nathaniel and her later efforts to salvage her marriage by having another child, illustrates how the pressures of motherhood and marriage constantly shape and sometimes obscure her personal identity.
In the end, Julia’s reflection on her life—especially in the wake of Mark’s death—signals her ongoing struggle to integrate her past and present selves into a coherent whole.
The Cyclical Nature of Trauma and Dysfunction Across Generations
Lombardo skillfully highlights how trauma and dysfunction echo across generations, influencing behavior and relationships in often unconscious ways. Julia’s troubled relationship with her mother, Anita, leaves deep emotional scars that reverberate through her own parenting and marital choices.
The novel suggests that Julia’s desire to be a different kind of mother than Anita only propels her into new forms of dysfunction, as she struggles to balance the emotional and physical demands of motherhood. The affair with Nathaniel, spurred by Julia’s dissatisfaction with her life, mirrors the emotional void that her own mother’s neglect and her father’s absence left.
Similarly, Julia’s affair with Anita’s boyfriend during her adolescence reflects a pattern of seeking solace in destructive relationships. The novel underscores how unresolved trauma—in Julia’s case, abandonment and neglect—often manifests in later life choices, even when the characters are striving to avoid repeating the mistakes of their parents.
The tentative reconciliation between Julia and Anita hints at the possibility of breaking this cycle. However, Lombardo emphasizes how deep-rooted these familial patterns are, illustrating the difficulty of true healing and change across generations.
The Fragility of Marriage and the Tenuous Bonds of Intimacy
The novel presents marriage as both a stabilizing and deeply fragile institution, vulnerable to the pressures of time, personal dissatisfaction, and unspoken expectations. Julia and Mark’s marriage is initially depicted as a romantic and fortuitous union, but as the narrative unfolds, their relationship becomes emblematic of how marriages can erode under the weight of routine, disappointment, and betrayal.
The stagnation of their relationship after Ben’s birth and Julia’s affair with Nathaniel exposes the unspoken distance that has grown between them, despite their shared life. Lombardo deftly explores how Julia’s infidelity is both a symptom of her personal restlessness and a reflection of the unmet emotional needs within the marriage.
Even though Julia and Mark attempt to rebuild their relationship—symbolized by their decision to have a second child, Alma—this act ultimately masks the deeper emotional chasm that remains unresolved. The suddenness of Mark’s death further underscores the fragility of intimate relationships, as Julia is left to grapple with her unresolved feelings about their marriage and the life they built together.
In this way, the novel presents marriage as a tenuous bond, always vulnerable to rupture, but also as a space for moments of fleeting connection. This is evident in the scene where the family dances together at Ben’s wedding.
The Tension Between Domesticity and the Desire for Freedom
Lombardo examines the tension between domestic life and the desire for personal freedom, particularly through Julia’s internal conflict as a stay-at-home mother. Julia’s decision to stay home with her son, Ben, is motivated by a desire to offer him the attentive care she never received from her own mother.
However, as the demands of domestic life weigh on her, Julia becomes increasingly disillusioned with the limitations of her role. Her affair with Nathaniel serves as an escape from the stifling routine of her life, offering her a brief glimpse of freedom from the expectations of motherhood and marriage.
This conflict between her yearning for personal autonomy and the constraints of domestic life is a recurring theme in the novel. Even as Julia tries to repair her marriage and recommit to her family, she continues to wrestle with the feeling that she has sacrificed a part of herself in the process.
The novel suggests that the desire for freedom and the pull of domestic responsibilities are not easily reconciled. Julia’s choices, while deeply flawed, reflect the difficult compromises that many women face when navigating the demands of family life.
The Relentless Passage of Time and the Elusiveness of Stability
Lombardo places time at the center of the novel’s exploration of Julia’s life, emphasizing how the passage of time can bring both clarity and disruption. The narrative’s shifting timelines reflect how Julia’s understanding of herself and her relationships evolves over the years, as she reflects on key moments from her past.
The novel grapples with the notion that stability, whether in family, marriage, or personal identity, is ultimately elusive. Julia’s life is marked by significant changes—her father’s abandonment, her affair, her children growing up and leaving home, and Mark’s death—each of which challenges her sense of security and forces her to confront the impermanence of life.
Even as she tries to create a stable home for her children, the novel suggests that life is inherently unpredictable, and that stability is often a fleeting illusion. The final scenes, in which Julia reflects on her family’s future after Mark’s death, underscore the sense that time moves relentlessly forward, often without the resolution or closure that characters seek.
Lombardo’s novel, in this way, meditates on how life is shaped by the inevitable passage of time and the shifting sands of relationships and identity.
Motherhood as a Site of Self-Examination and Regret
The novel presents motherhood as a complex and often ambivalent experience, filled with moments of love and connection but also marked by self-doubt, regret, and sacrifice. Julia’s role as a mother is central to her identity, yet it is also the source of some of her deepest struggles.
Her decision to stay home with Ben is rooted in a desire to be a better mother than Anita, but over time, Julia’s sense of fulfillment wanes as she grapples with the emotional and physical demands of caregiving. The birth of Alma, intended to rejuvenate her marriage and family life, instead amplifies Julia’s internal conflict, as she realizes that motherhood alone cannot provide the sense of purpose and identity she craves.
Throughout the novel, Julia’s reflections on her parenting—her affair, her emotional distance from Mark, her complex relationship with her children—highlight the tension between her aspirations as a mother and the reality of her experiences. Lombardo does not offer easy resolutions to Julia’s regrets, instead suggesting that motherhood, like life, is an ongoing process of negotiation and self-examination.
Motherhood is shaped as much by the choices left unmade as by the decisions that define it.