Things I Wish I Told My Mother Summary, Characters and Themes

“Things I Wish I Told My Mother” by Susan Patterson (with co-authors Susan DiLallo and James Patterson) is a novel about the complexities of the mother-daughter bond. 

Through an emotional journey across Europe and into their shared past, Laurie Margolis and her mother, Dr. Elizabeth Ormson, confront unspoken truths, old wounds, and long-buried love. What starts as a scenic vacation becomes a life-changing trip filled with revelations, forgiveness, and new beginnings. The book blends humor, heartache, and hope, showing that it’s never too late to heal relationships—and that sometimes, the things left unsaid are the ones that matter most.

Summary

Laurie Margolis, a driven New York advertising executive, has always had a complicated relationship with her mother, Elizabeth Ormson, a renowned but emotionally reserved doctor. When Elizabeth experiences heart issues, Laurie suggests an overseas trip to help her recover. They plan a journey through Paris and Norway, destinations rich in memories and meaning.

Their trip begins in Paris, where their differences are immediately obvious. Elizabeth is glamorous and poised; Laurie is more casual and guarded. 

Despite occasional friction, they find moments of connection: savoring dinners, admiring art, and encountering a charming British solicitor named Richard, who sparks new hope for Laurie after her recent divorce. 

Yet tension lurks beneath the surface. Elizabeth’s controlling tendencies and Laurie’s resentment flare up, but glimpses of vulnerability—such as Elizabeth fainting during a tour of the Catacombs—reveal the depth of Elizabeth’s fragility.

In quiet moments, Elizabeth shares stories about her own cold upbringing and the sacrifices she made to build her career. Laurie gains a deeper understanding of the woman behind the perfectionist exterior. 

They argue, bond, and slowly begin to heal old wounds, though Laurie remains worried about her mother’s health, sensing Elizabeth isn’t telling the whole truth.

Leaving Paris, they head to Norway, Elizabeth’s homeland. Here, Elizabeth’s mood shifts—part nostalgia, part sorrow. They visit her childhood village, where Laurie learns about Elizabeth’s lonely past and early battles against societal limitations on women. 

The trip becomes more personal than Laurie ever anticipated. Elizabeth’s health worsens, but she stubbornly refuses to return home until they complete their itinerary.

In Norway’s breathtaking landscapes, mother and daughter share profound conversations. Elizabeth apologizes for being overly critical throughout Laurie’s life and admits her own regrets about prioritizing her career over motherhood. 

Laurie, in turn, feels a surge of empathy, realizing that Elizabeth’s emotional distance was rooted in survival, not indifference. However, Elizabeth eventually confesses the gravity of her heart condition: without major surgery, her time is limited.

They return to New York, where Elizabeth undergoes a risky operation. Laurie stays by her side through every fearful moment. 

The surgery is successful, but recovery is slow and challenging, forcing a role reversal where Laurie must parent the fiercely independent Elizabeth. Amid small arguments and tender reconciliations, Elizabeth hands Laurie a heartfelt letter she had once written but never delivered, filled with expressions of love and pride Laurie had longed to hear.

This letter becomes a pivotal moment in their relationship. Laurie understands that even if her mother struggled to verbalize her emotions, her love had always been constant. Rebuilding trust and closeness day by day, they laugh, argue, and plan for the future with a newfound honesty.

By the novel’s end, Elizabeth and Laurie have evolved from strained relatives into genuine friends. 

Laurie reflects on the “things she wished she told her mother”—words of gratitude, admiration, and forgiveness. The final scenes show the two walking together through Central Park, not just as mother and daughter, but as two women who, after years of misunderstandings, have finally found peace in their relationship.

Characters

Laurie Margolis

Laurie is the protagonist of the story, and her journey is one of self-discovery, reconciliation, and emotional growth. As a successful advertising executive, she has built a life based on professional achievements and personal independence.

However, her strained relationship with her mother, Elizabeth, has always been a significant source of emotional turmoil. Laurie’s emotional vulnerability, especially following her divorce, becomes a central part of the narrative.

She struggles with feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and guilt due to her mother’s critical nature, yet she longs for affection and validation from her. Over the course of the book, Laurie’s evolution is marked by a growing understanding of her mother’s complexities and the emotional barriers that have existed between them.

Her relationship with her mother evolves from one of tension and emotional distance to one of empathy and compassion. By the end of the story, Laurie has learned to embrace her mother’s flaws and, in turn, opens herself to love and connection, both with Elizabeth and others like Richard.

Dr. Elizabeth Ormson

Elizabeth, Laurie’s mother, is a brilliant and complex character. A successful physician, Elizabeth has always been a formidable, independent, and somewhat controlling figure in Laurie’s life.

Her emotional distance and high expectations have deeply affected Laurie, who has always felt the pressure to prove herself to her mother. Elizabeth’s stoic nature and ability to compartmentalize her emotions are key to her character; she hides her vulnerabilities behind a façade of strength and achievement.

However, as the story unfolds, Elizabeth begins to reveal her own deep insecurities and regrets, particularly concerning her sacrifices for her career and her emotionally distant upbringing. The trip to Norway serves as a pivotal moment for Elizabeth, where she opens up about her childhood, her struggles with sexism, and her dreams that never came to fruition.

The revelation of her heart condition and her admission that she has only a limited time to live forces her to confront her mortality. In doing so, she slowly begins to show a more vulnerable side to Laurie. By the end of the book, Elizabeth has made significant strides in mending her relationship with Laurie, offering apologies and sharing emotions she had previously kept locked away.

Richard Northcott

Richard serves as a secondary yet significant character in the narrative. He enters Laurie’s life during her emotional journey in Paris and provides a gentle, reassuring presence amidst her turmoil.

Richard is portrayed as a kind and supportive individual, offering Laurie the warmth and understanding she has long been deprived of, especially from her mother. His conversations with Laurie bring moments of lightness and joy, allowing her to explore new avenues of personal connection.

Although Laurie initially hesitates to let him into her life, Richard’s persistence and empathy play a key role in helping Laurie reconcile with her past and move toward a more open and emotionally balanced future. While his role in the story is more supportive than central, Richard helps Laurie reflect on her relationships, including the one with her mother, and serves as a catalyst for her emotional growth.

Themes

The Struggle Between Independence and Familial Duty

In Things I Wish I Told My Mother, the tension between the need for personal independence and the sense of responsibility toward family plays a pivotal role in the emotional development of Laurie, the protagonist. As Laurie balances her demanding career and emotional distance from her mother, Elizabeth, she finds herself torn between her career achievements and the overwhelming desire to protect her mother, especially after Elizabeth’s health scare.

The novel delves into how Laurie is often forced to relinquish her autonomy in order to fulfill familial obligations, which challenges her perception of independence. The tension is not only external, involving her mother’s demands, but also internal, as Laurie must grapple with what it means to be a daughter in the face of a complex, often strained relationship.

As their journey continues, Laurie begins to understand that the need for emotional support can be just as demanding as the need for professional success, forcing her to confront her priorities and redefine her sense of independence.

The Emotional Barriers Between Generations: Unspoken Words and Missed Connections

Another significant theme in the novel is the emotional distance that often exists between generations, particularly between mothers and daughters. Elizabeth’s coldness and her difficulty in expressing affection are mirrored by Laurie’s own struggles with reconciling the mother she needed with the one she had.

This generational divide is fueled by years of unspoken words, emotional misunderstandings, and personal sacrifices. Throughout their travels and deepening relationship, Laurie begins to understand the complexities of her mother’s life, including the sacrifices she made to achieve success in a male-dominated profession.

Elizabeth, in turn, starts to confront her own regrets, particularly her emotional detachment from Laurie during her formative years. The theme of emotional barriers highlights how past wounds, both unintentional and deliberate, can impact the present, affecting the capacity for closeness and trust.

The eventual realization of missed emotional connections between mother and daughter becomes a poignant exploration of what happens when words left unsaid are finally spoken, and how that changes the relationship for both.

Identity and Self-Realization Through the Lens of Maternal Influence

A crucial theme in the narrative is the exploration of self-identity and how it is shaped by maternal influence. For Laurie, much of her life and sense of self-worth has been defined in relation to her mother. Elizabeth’s own sense of identity is intricately linked to her career and the sacrifices she made to succeed, particularly as a woman in the medical field.

Laurie’s journey through emotional healing forces her to confront not only her own identity but also the ways in which her mother’s expectations and actions have shaped her. As Laurie learns more about Elizabeth’s past, including the sacrifices she made for her career and the challenges she faced as a woman in a male-dominated profession, she begins to reframe her understanding of her mother’s personality and the influence she has had on her life.

This theme is particularly poignant as Laurie starts to see that she is not merely defined by her mother’s approval or disapproval, but that her own journey of self-realization must come from within. The process of reconciling their differences and understanding each other more deeply leads Laurie to an empowered sense of self.

The Healing Power of Vulnerability and Emotional Transparency

Perhaps the most transformative theme in Things I Wish I Told My Mother is the healing power of vulnerability and emotional transparency. The book underscores the importance of confronting one’s emotional truths, no matter how painful they may be, as a means of fostering real connection and growth.

For much of the story, both Laurie and Elizabeth maintain emotional walls, creating an environment where their bond is strained and incomplete. However, as Elizabeth’s health deteriorates, the necessity of emotional openness becomes apparent.

The raw, heartfelt conversations that unfold between mother and daughter—ranging from regrets to unspoken love—become the cornerstone of their emotional healing. Elizabeth’s unexpected apology and the letter she writes to Laurie, expressing everything she had never said, act as significant moments of vulnerability that catalyze Laurie’s own emotional release.

This theme explores the concept of emotional intimacy not as a sign of weakness, but as a necessary step toward healing and connection. The narrative thus suggests that only by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable can we create the space for meaningful relationships to thrive.

The Lingering Impact of a Mother’s Expectations and the Quest for Personal Freedom

A final prominent theme is the lingering impact of a mother’s expectations on a daughter’s sense of self-worth and personal freedom. Elizabeth’s high standards and critical nature often left Laurie feeling like she could never quite meet her mother’s expectations, which deeply influenced Laurie’s emotional growth and relationships.

Throughout the novel, Laurie must come to terms with how much of her life has been governed by her desire for her mother’s approval. From her career choices to her personal relationships, Laurie realizes that her actions have often been in reaction to her mother’s critical gaze rather than a pursuit of her own happiness.

As the novel progresses, Laurie learns to shed these expectations and embrace her individuality, realizing that her true path must be defined by her own values rather than the perpetual pursuit of her mother’s approval. This theme is explored with sensitivity, showcasing the difficulty of escaping the shadow of parental influence while also recognizing the importance of carving out one’s own identity.